Much like Joey Tribbiani, my sister has already announced that she’ll be wearing a pair of maternity pants when we sit down for Thanksgiving dinner. (Unlike Joey, my sister is seven months pregnant). But for those of us who are neither expecting nor allowed to wear their threadbare sweatpants at their mother’s table because you were raised better than that, young lady, Stove Top Stuffing has designed a solution.
Everyone’s favorite boxed side dish is now selling Thanksgiving Dinner Pants, a pair of loose-fitting maroon pants with a thick elastic waistband that is either a photo of its own signature stuffing or a terrifying Magic Eye painting. (Stare at it long enough and you’ll see an image of yourself, age 42, eating dried stuffing straight out of its plastic bag). “Family and friends will be envious of your level of comfort at the Thanksgiving table,” the company insists.
Stove Top wants to make these pants happen, and even released an ad that perfectly captures the tone and style of every 3 a.m. infomercial you’ve ever seen. “Based on the same technology used in astronauts’ underpants, they can expand to nearly two times their original size,” the narrator explains, as the youngest member of the Thanksgiving Dinner Pants family excitedly pumps his arms. (“This is either the greatest thing ever made or the saddest,” one potential customer tweeted).
The only downside to this fashionable garment is that the supply of while-supplies-last pants seem to be sold out. (That sucks for anyone who hoped to impress their family with stuffing-printed pockets, but it’s good news for Feeding America; after releasing the pants, Stove Top pledged to donate $10,000 to the hunger-relief organization). We’ve reached out to Kraft to see if they’ll be releasing more pants for the holiday.
“Don’t spend your hard-earned money on fancy maternity pants,” Stove Top says. Don’t worry, I’m just going to steal a pair of my sister’s.