Johner Images. Composite by MUNCHIES Staff
The confirmation hearing for President Donald Trump’s second Supreme Court nominee, Brett Kavanaugh, started shortly after 9:30 this morning and, within minutes, it was already an absolute shitshow.
Red-robed protesters dressed as characters from The Handmaid’s Tale stood in the hall outside the hearing room. Members of the public shouted their opposition to Kavanaugh’s nomination, with some shouting about his dismal record regarding women’s reproductive health. And Democratic Senators Kamala Harris, Richard Blumenthal, and Cory Booker all questioned why the hearing was being held today, just hours after 42,000 documents from his time in the Bush White House were released—and they also repeatedly asked why Trump’s White House had withheld more than 100,000 other documents related to Kavanaugh.
Republican Sen. Chuck Grassley, the Senate Judiciary Committee’s chairman and a withered 84-year-old reminder why the United States needs term limits, refused to address the Democrats’ concerns and the hearing got underway shortly after 11 AM.
The second Senator to address Kavanaugh directly, Orrin Hatch (R-UT) spent several minutes giving the nominee a thorough tongue bath, which included references to his willingness to volunteer in the community and coach youth basketball. “You also apparently like to eat pasta with ketchup. But nobody is perfect,” Hatch said, later adding, “I'm proud of the president for nominating you, and I wish you the best because we are going to confirm you.”
OK, nice attempt to humanize a nominee who has the potential to do the opposite to women, people of color, and the LGBTQ community. If confirmed, Kavanaugh could theoretically serve as the deciding vote to undo some of the Supreme Court’s former decisions on abortion, affirmative action, and same-sex marriages.
But also, who the fuck does that to pasta?
According to Kavanaugh’s roommates at Yale Law School, he does. Steve Hartmann and Kenneth Christmas basically told the Yale Daily News that Kavanaugh’s palate couldn’t have been blander if he were made entirely from cottage cheese. “When he had spaghetti sauce, it was Ragu—he didn’t want anything spicier than that,” Hartmann said. He also only ate plain cheese or pepperoni pizza and yeah, he put ketchup on his pasta.
Is that the worst thing that Kavanaugh has done, or will do? Absolutely not. Ketchup on pasta is a victimless crime, unless you have to sit at the table and watch him eat that shit.
But we might as well add it to the list.