That Atletico Dart Just Made this UCL Final Madrid Derby Very Interesting

Now THIS is some Champions League football.

by Liam Daniel Pierce
May 28 2016, 9:10pm

If you were to drop into the Champions League Final 77 minutes in—a Madrid Derby at that—and see that the game was 1-0, you'd be hoping for some kind of miraculous, nasty goal to make it all worthwhile. But instead, after seeing Real Madrid's sorry mistake of a goal (above), you'd want your money back. What's that? You're streaming off your mom's cable package? Well, then you'd want her money back.

Just when you thought there was some kind of shitty goal retribution for Sergio Ramos' pitiful thwack of a dying ball that scooted under the keeper's armpit, French national Antoine Griezmann absolutely pings the ball off the top bar with a real tease of a penalty kick.

The score rested at 1-0 for another 28 nail-biting minutes until something of tremendous beauty happened: a very onsides Yannick Ferreira-Carrasco came in with pace to absolutely hammer the back of the net with a shot that nearly bent his leg in half, causing players to shoot sideways like shrapnel.

Yes, the score was enough to take things to extra time. And stay with us for updates. It's getting spicy.


Oof. Things went to penalties, and it seems like the penalty gods were cruel to Atletico once again. Griezmann went first, but didn't mess this one up this time. It was Juanfran, however, who botched it, also finding woodwork on the left post. Que lastima.

Then, all of a sudden, some guy named Ronaldo came out and basically did only one thing the whole game, but celebrated—whipping off his shirt, showing off his perfectly tanned manequin form—like he did every thing. It was annoying.