Andrew Wardle has been a virgin his entire life, but it's not because he hasn't had luck with the ladies. The 40-year-old UK resident has had a girlfriend for four years, but the two have never had sex because Wardle was born without a penis due to a rare medical condition.
Now, after sharing his story on the TLC documentary, The Man with No Penis, and undergoing more than 100 surgeries, Wardle is set to finally get laid thanks to his new "bionic penis."
As a baby, Wardle received corrective surgery for his ectopic bladder, which formed outside of his body, but the operation prevented him from ever developing a penis. He thought he would have to endure life without one until Mohammad Abad, a British man who lost his penis in a childhood accident, had the experimental technology installed in 2012.
Like Abad's, Wardle's new penis was created using skin, muscle, and nerve grafts from his arms and fitted with cylinders that fill with fluid when pumped from a small sac installed in his ball sac, which is how he'll get an erection. However, doctors will have to go in and essentially turn the rig on, a process that will leave Wardle in the hospital for three days and give him an boner that will last two long weeks.
On Wednesday, Wardle told the hosts of British television show This Morning that he'll spend those two weeks inside so as not to show the world the rocket that will be in his pocket. Speaking of which, he also told the hosts he did not get to select the size of his new member, which seems like a major oversight in the way bionic phalluses are constructed.
Once the robo-cock is switched on and his two-week erection dies down, Wardle will be able to have sex with his girlfriend, Fedra Fabian, for the first time. She revealed on the show that the two had been dating for nine months before she found out about his condition and she read about it in the newspaper. "I didn't know how to react to it," she said.
For a man who is about to finally lose his virginity after four decades, you would think Wardle would be a peaceful guy, but he's already started a feud another dude who also has a pneumatic dick. Wardle had some harsh words for Abad, who lost his virginity to a famous sex worker and said recently that he wants to date a sex robot.
"This is a taxpayer-funded operation—the money spent on it was not so he could sleep with a prostitute," Wardle said Friday.
Yes, that's right, the National Health Service paid for both operations, making it entirely free. Americans live in a country where healthcare premiums cost an arm and a leg. Over in the UK, they're just handing out bionic dongs for free so that middle-aged men don't have to be virgins anymore. How can we get on that health plan?