There are very few people who wake up happy and all of them are on drugs. If you had sex for the first time in a while the night before, you might feel a little less like chopping off a limb or stabbing yourself in a vital organ, but generally speaking, the day's first moments are still pretty dismal. This differs, obviously, from any film you've ever seen where, if you've put your genitals to use less than 12 hours ago, your life is suddenly soundtracked by horn and string arrangements as you shuffle to the window and swing open the curtains to be greeted by a chirping bird who lands on your arm and tells you how fucking great you are.
In reality, what do you get? A cloud of industrial smog waiting outside your window to kiss you on the cheek. It's just shit, isn't it? It's just shit that will persist forever and evolve into the darker shades later in your life. Then death.
What’s the first thing you think about when you wake up in the morning?
Dan, 26: I don’t think about what I think about. I just wake up.
Fabio, 33: Well, [sings incoherently] sometimes I listen to rock, sometimes I listen to jazz. I never wake up to bad songs, I think it’s a positive way to start your day. Except Monday. There is no music on Monday.
What about “I Don’t Like Mondays” by the Boomtown Rats?
I never heard that song.
Julia, 25: Breaking Bad. Sometimes I lay awake in bed all night thinking about ghosts.
Yeah, I got out from under the covers and found my friend in the hallway listening to music on his headphones really loud. He was drunk. I thought he was a ghost, but he wasn't.
Jason, 33: Pussy. My friend over there thinks about hairy ass.
When you say—
So your first objective upon waking is to locate a vagina?
Do you succeed?
Not all the time.
Is there anything else you think about, maybe something deep about the human condition or something, I dunno?
I love waking up thinking about pussy, I’m happy with pussy.
And what do you think about before you go to sleep?
Vicky, 29: The woman list thing.
What’s the “womans list thing”?
It could be literally anything, from shopping I need to do, to what I’m going to wear on the weekend. My brain just doesn't switch off!
My boyfriend says I’m slightly autistic because I don’t like change.
Adam, 19: What time it is and the weather.
Do you like waking up thinking about time and the weather?
Yeah, otherwise I would be in bed all day thinking about stuff.
Emily, 28: My dreams.
What was the last dream you had?
Someone was trying to kidnap me and my brother and take us to the woodlands so that we would be their slaves. Not sex slaves, though...
Of course not, carry on.
I escaped and my brother ran away, but then they took my dad, so of course then I had to go get him...
You ended up saving your dad, right?
Yeah, he didn’t give a shit though, he was happy in the woodlands.
Michelle, 26 (left) and Erin, 25.
Michelle: Last night I went to bed thinking about how empty my house is because my boyfriend is traveling. Then I did a big starfish on my bed.
Previously - Have You Ever Betrayed Anyone?