Eating in Manhattan

Calabria Pork Store | all photos by Allison Dunne unless otherwise noted

MANHATTAN

This is the crown jewel of all five boroughs. Those who tell you different are wrong. Most of the city is laid out on a grid of very straight streets that have been assigned numbers as names. Sadly enough, most of the numbered straight streets are more boring than the ones with odder, more creative names that twist and turn all over the place and induce migraines and frustration even in people who've lived here forever.

NOTE: The "

" means we highly recommend these joints.

ANGELICA KITCHEN

Tantalizing (gross word, sorry) East Village vegetarian. They put some effort into this. It's not like some depressed chain-smoker flops down a Diet Coke and a flimsy paper plate and says, "Here's your Boca burger… I know you're secretly upset about depriving yourself of red meat." Get the Dragon Bowl, the cornbread, and the mashed Yukon gold potatoes (the gravy for which is otherworldly). It's a bit community table/hippieish here, but if you're a vegetarian you're probably really patient and enlightened anyway. 300 E. 12th St., 212-228-2909.

B&H DAIRY

Here's a place to save a wad of cash. B&H is an ancient, kosher, vegetarian-friendly diner in the heart of the East Village, near St. Mark's. You could end up eating most of your meals here and not be too bummed out. 127 2nd Ave., 212-505-8065.

BARRIO CHINO

This is a fairly cheap, peaceful LES boîte where you can guzzle really peppery margaritas while chowing chicken or calamari tacos, or guac and chips. 253 Broome St., 212-228-6710.

BLUE HILL

Fancy-pants West Village place that's not afraid to get creative—a few dishes come at you in shot glasses. Carrots here are so sweet they're like dessert, the chicken so tender it's like sushi. All produce comes from a small farm upstate. This is like your way-above-average "I wanna get engaged" place. 75 Washington Pl., 212-539-1776.

CALEXICO FOOD CART

Little Cal-Mex taco/burrito cart that's out at lunchtime in SoHo. All the geeks from the Apple Store eat here. I doubt they have a phone, and why would you want to call them anyway, weirdo? Look for the cart (huge, really) around Wooster and Prince. Good stuff, especially if you're walking around and don't feel like sitting at a table.

CAFÉ LOUP

Little mellow French brasserie with live jazz and original Irving Penn photographs on the wall, located on the border of the West Village. Café Loup serves a decently priced, organic when possible, prix fixe that often includes a fantastic roasted chicken. 105 W. 13th St., 212-255-4746.

CARL'S STEAKS

Even people from Philly rave about the cheesesteaks at Carl's. Go double steak, extra provolone, and hot peppers, then beg off any commitments you may have for the next 72 hours. 79 Chambers St., 212-566-2828 (and other locations, too).

CHARLES SOUTHERN STYLE KITCHEN

Trek to Harlem for the best fried chicken in the city. 2841 Frederick Douglass Blvd., 212-926-4313.

Chinatown Ice Cream Factory

CHINATOWN ICE CREAM FACTORY

There's absolutely no room to stand or sit in this tiny, hectic storefront that for some reason thinks cartoon dragon iconography connotes delicious ice cream. And they must be right. It's the best in town. 65 Bayard St., 212-608-4170.

CITY BAKERY

Comfort food in the Flatiron district. Order three things: mac & cheese, fried chicken, and vegan miso muffins. This is the kind of place where the menu changes based on what (organic) stuff is in season, and where people who've just done yoga go to dab at their perspiration and gossip. 3 W. 18th St. 212-366-1414.

COUNTRY

Go to this dreamy French bistro for the seafood—especially Dover sole—the cheese-puff appetizer, and because it makes you feel like you've been dispatched to (a good part of) Europe via some black hole. Warning: Know a trustfunder. 90 Madison Ave., 212-889-7100.

CURRY EXPRESS

Excellent saag paneer. This area, Murray Hill/Kips Bay, is full of good, cheap Indian food. 130 E. 29th St., 212-251-0202.

DELMONICO'S

You might drop a bundle, but if you're going to eat one fancy meal while you're in town, it might as well be at this cavernous Financial District institution. Delmonico's is the first steak house in New York, and though we don't have proof, we'll say it's the first steak house in the universe. The decor is similar to that of the ballroom in The Shining. The steaks are top-notch, and the waiters are stoic, old, well-mannered Russian guys who put an exquisite amount of care into how everything comes out of the kitchen. You get the feeling they maybe beat themselves with a knobby cane if they sense your meal is not right. Wait until you see their dessert cart. 56 Beaver St., 212-509-1144.

Delmonico's

DIM SUM GO GO

Killer dumplings, especially the Chinese parsley, washed down with a Tsingtao. Warning: This is a great place for white people with hangovers, or couples who wear the same glasses and once spent a semester in Guangzhou. 5 E. Broadway, 212-732-0797.

DITCH PLAINS

Pricey faux-surf joint has an upside: the bar, the crab dip, and the mac & cheese. 29 Bedford St., 212-633-0202.

DOUGHNUT PLANT

There's nowhere to sit inside this little LES "factory," and we don't vouch for the coffee or anything else they might offer, but if you leave town without eating an oversize doughnut or two from this place, you weren't even here. Don't fall prey to the lazy moron who says, "Big whoop, they have these same donuts at Dean & Deluca." You've gotta come eat them on-site, when they're fresh out of the oven. 379 Grand St., 212-505-3700.

EAR INN

One of the few remaining classic, throwback, shithouse bars in Manhattan, west of SoHo, way over by the Hudson River, steps from Don Hill's. 326 Spring St., 212-226-9060.

FREEMAN'S

Sure, it has its crybaby detractors. So did John fucking Denver. Have you listened to him lately? Without prejudice? Great taxidermy. Great mac & cheese. Great artichoke dip. It's kind of like being in Deer Hunter-era Pennsylvania, without really having to go there. End of Freeman Alley, 212-420-0012.

GOURMET GARAGE

There's nothing better than raiding the olive bar at Gourmet Garage and chowing the ones stuffed with cashews or garlic. It's like an organic antidepressant with a touch of speed. 453 Broome St., 212-941-5850. (The experience is not the same at their other locations.)

KANOYAMA

A sushi place descended from a sushi place that the artist Keith Haring once had a stake in. If you're nice, they'll let you nosh their jumbo-size portions at the bar well after midnight. And then you'll proclaim that you're moving here and spend the night drunkenly emailing people from the sublet/share section of Craigslist instead of staying out and having fun. 175 2nd Ave., 212-777-5266.

KATE'S JOINT

This has been, like, the prime East Village vegetarian hangout since like 1644. 58 Ave. B, 212-777-7059.

KATZ'S DELI

Obvs. We recommend the corned beef, the beef brisket, and/or the matzohball soup. The fries here will just weigh you down. They're pure starch. Fuck 'em. Opt for the bright green cucumber-y pickles instead. 205 E. Houston St., 212-254-2246.

KITCHENETTE

We've never given a shit about this place for anything other than breakfast and that's OK. The Kitchenless—egg whites, grilled tomato, and smoked turkey on a biscuit—is all you need to know. 156 Chambers St., 212-267-6740.

LA ESQUINA

If you can't follow a simple grid and make your way uptown to the stellar taco shops we're writing about here, then you may as well go to this pricier, hipper taco window, which isn't bad (the corn on the cob is a fave), but know that you could be doing better. 106 Kenmare St., 646-613-7100.

MJ ARMSTRONG'S

None-too-glitzy Irish pub east of Union Square that happens to serve the best Buffalo chicken sandwich in the city. It's the only reason to go there. 329 1st Ave., 212-358-9946.

MARGON

Midtown Caribbean dump with roast pork you'll want 650x. 136 W. 46th St., 212-354-5013.

MARY'S FISH CAMP

Jesus H. Christ, this is the best seafood in the city. Everything on the menu is rad, and it's romantic, in an unorthodox way, to boot. Warning: It's tiny. They don't take reservations. You really should spend a whole day making sure you get a seat at this place. 64 Charles St., 646-486-2185.

MERCADITO

Anything that involves meat and cheese at this East Village Mexican joint gets an A+. An $8.50 "large" Corona, however, gets the gas face. 179 Ave. B, 212-529-6490.

MINAR

Cheap, great-tasting Indian lunch counter near the Empire State Building. Perfect if someone dragged you there. Try the chicken biryani. 5 W. 31st St., 212-984-2727.

MIRACLE GRILL

Easy: huevos a la mexicana. It's breakfast with tortilla chips. 415 Bleecker St., 212-924-2199.

THE MODERN AT MOMA

Try the slow-poached farm egg "in a jar" with lobster and asparagus and "fine herb froth." 9 W. 53rd St., 212-333-1220.

MOMOFUKU KO

Yeah. We know. You know. That crazy, unreal eight-course ramen-noodles-guy's place in the East Village that takes a sneeze from a leprechaun, three rabbits' feet, and a pile of lucky mittens to get into. Just thought we'd throw it out there. The foie gras and lychee thing is great. 163 1st Ave., 212-475-7899.

NANCY WHISKEY

You don't come here to eat, though the chicken tenders and fries, in a pinch, are OK. You come here because this glorious Tribeca shithole has a shuffleboard table, cheap beer, and a bartender who looks like a svelte (read: anemic), younger Jerry Garcia crossed with Animal from The Muppet Movie. No one bothers you here. 1 Lispenard St., 212-226-9943.

NOBU NEXT DOOR

The "real" Nobu, located appropriately enough, errr, next door, is great but expensive, and you'll butt elbows with jabbering Jimmy Kimmel and Lizzie Grubman types. Try the tinier, sneak-you-in outpost next door. Wanna get really crazy? Skip the sushi and just order the rock-shrimp tempura, or the black cod in miso, or the sea bass in black bean sauce. All, especially the rock-shrimp tempura, are worth the cash. Watch out: You may be eating bagels for a while after this. 105 Hudson St., 212-334-4445.

NYONYA

Who eats Malaysian in NYC? You do, you crazy bastard. You'll be sitting under fluorescent lights in a boisterous and fun environment, devoid of any romance. And you'll want to steer clear of standard red-meat dishes that you can find in any typical Chinese restaurant. Beyond that, everything else, like the stingray cheng lai, a bargain at $16, more than makes up for it. 194 Grand St., 212-334-3669.

ODEON

One of the last cool Tribeca restaurants, and certainly one of the few 1980s NYC haunts that's still in business. This place is a monument to the wet dreams of McInerney, Warhol, and, well, Lorne Michaels. Order the steak frites and/or the country frisée salad with bacon. Every time we eat here it feels like we've won. 145 W. Broadway, 212-233-0507.

OMEN

Upscale, dazzling Kyoto-style Japanese place where you take a date if you would like to get laid, because you'll really make a connection here. Also good if you're the type of couple who like to take a book to dinner and read to each other. Um, yeah. 113 Thompson St., 212-925-8923.

PAKISTAN TEA HOUSE

Tribeca Indian/Pakistani on the cheap. It has neighbors doing the same taxidriver- with-BO kinda lunch counter, but not as well—Pakistan's chicken/ two veg. combo (get tikka masala, with yogurt curry and potatoes and cauliflower) with garlic naan cannot be beat. Ignore the counter staff as best you can—the lady with the nose ring and the Yankees hat is surly, but not combative, while most of the men working there are borderline senile. Watch out: They will crap their pants if you try to use a credit card, even though they say they take them. 176 Church St., 212-240-9800.

PANNA II

No one is coming to this Indian place because of the food (although in all fairness, it is not bad). It's in the heart of all the other East Village Indian spots, but this is easily the smallest and most obnoxious. Walk in (BYOB, BTW) and it is like you're up a Christmas tree's ass. Trick: Tell your waiter (secretly) that it is someone in your party's birthday. 93 1st Ave., 212-598-4610.

PEARL OYSTER BAR

Neck and neck with Mary's Fish Camp for outstanding seafood in the West Village, and in all of New York for that matter. Festive environment. 18 Cornelia St., 212-691-8211.

PEPOLINO

Get the fettuccine with rabbit. There's something about tomato and rabbit fat when mixed that is divine. 281 West Broadway, 212-966-9983.

PHO VIET HUONG

Get pho tai with the meat on the side (rather than served in the red-hot bowl of beef broth and rice noodles). Getting the beef on the side lets you "cook" the slices in the boiling stew and eat it rare or medium rare instead of it all arriving totally well done. Also, try summer rolls and the lemon soda or, if you need a major adrenaline rush, order the Vietnamese coffee with condensed milk. 73 Mulberry St., 212-233-8988.

PONGSRI THAI RESTAURANT

We're more than a little sour on the fact that this Thai institution gave itself one of the world's most forehead-smackingly douchey face-lifts, forgoing their heavily wooden, Asian-grandma-with-a-migraine decor for a plasma TV, a bar, and a "Vin Diesel on holiday" aura. Still, try the jungle curry with beef or shrimp and a Singha. 106 Bayard St., 212-349-3132.

PROVINCE

Cheap Tribeca noodle shop with great, great, great sandwiches for less than five bucks. Try the short rib and kimchi on a sesame roll with cilantro. 305 Church St., 212-925-1205.

Rai Rai Ken

RAI RAI KEN

People will steer you toward Ippudo or Setagaya for ramen, and hooray for that—but you'd be a fool not to try the shoyu ramen at Rai Rai Ken. It reminds us of Tokyo—filthy, salty, beery, and delicious. 214 E 10th St., 212-477-7030.

RICE

This place has been a city favorite forever. We recommend the carrot balls in tomato cumin sauce, and the jerk chicken wings over green rice. 292 Elizabeth St., 212-226-5775. (They have a bunch of other Manhattan and Brooklyn locations, too.)

SALT BAR

Suggestion: baked brie in a puffed pastry. Magnificent. 29A Clinton St., 212- 979-8471.

A SALT & BATTERY

Great fish & chips in the West Village. 112 Greenwich Ave., 212-691-2713.

SCHILLER'S LIQUOR BAR

Call this part-lux, part-boho bistro the Odeon of the East Village. The same guy, Keith McNally, after all, started up both places, and both induce a slight euphoria. Schiller's menu, however, filled with rich American comfort food, is actually a little bit broader than Odeon's. 131 Rivington St., 212-260-4555.

SUSHI SEKI

In midtown on 1st Avenue (what neighborhood is this, anyway? Dachshund Bay?), you're in no danger of running into any douchebags at this quiet, moderately priced sushi restaurant that only traveling Japanese businessmen seem to know about. 1143 1st Ave., 212-371-0238.

STEAMER'S LANDING

Can't vouch for the food, nor the neighborhood, Battery Park City, which is kind of like suburban Indianapolis, but this goofy little bar overlooking the Hudson River is quaint, quiet, and will make you feel like you're in a movie with Ted Knight and Bill Murray circa 1982. It's a fun place for a nightcap with someone you know you're going to sleep with. Bonus: In the summer there are occasional outdoor ethnic dances at the marina nearby. 375 South End Ave., 212-432-1451.

TEHUITZINGO MEXICAN DELI

There is no shortage of crybabies in NYC trying to pass themselves off as food snobs—while also hinting at the splendor of their bicoastal existence—moaning about how they can't get a decent taco in New York like they do when they are back in Cali. They're fucking retards. Tehuitzingo is a city in southern Mexico, the family that runs this deli is from there, and the tacos they serve here are the best thing in the universe. They are also just $2 or $3 each.

This place is not much of a deli, really. It's just a little narrow shop where you can get big chocolate donuts for 90 cents, Mexican Chiclets, prepackaged tortillas, a quart of Tecate for $3.50 (if you ask for it to go), and two songs on the jukebox for a buck. Keep walking through the shop and you're in a tiny hall of mirrors at the end of which is a little nondescript window (like Kokies, only for food), behind which some tough-looking Mexican women are cooking up tacos. We recommend the steak taco and the potato/jalapeño, though people have raved about the barbacoa (goat). 695 10th Ave., 212-397-5956.

TIA POL

Fairly inexpensive West Chelsea tapas joint full of beautiful people and great food. This dish, in particular, is like affordable, healthy crack: piquillos rellenos de ensaladilla rusa—sweet peppers filled with Spanish potato salad and topped with imported white tuna. 205 10th Ave., 212-675-8805.

TULCINGO DEL VALLE

This place is one block south of Tehuitzingo (see above). Offers the same delicious fare. Try the nachos. 665 10th Ave., 212-262-5510.

UNCLE MOE'S

Nothing pretty about this Cal-Mex lunch counter up by the Flatiron Building, but the tacos and burritos, which you can load up with cilantro, onions, carrots, radishes, and limes, are superb. This is a great Saturday afternoon lunch space. 14 W. 19th St., 212-727-9400.

VESELKA

Ukranian café with the rare ability to make you feel good whenever you go there. Anything on the menu with the word "blintz," "pierogi," "kielbasa," or "Pilsner Urquell" is amazing. It's in the East Village, where you will probably be most of the time anyway. 144 2nd Ave., 212-228-9682.

YAJIROBEI

People think this place is called Angel's Share, but it's not. It's friggin' Yajirobei—the country-style Japanese place that you have to pass through before entering Angel's Share. The food choices are abundant, diverse, and come in small, well-priced portions, so you can have aged ashi tofu, broiled chicken liver, seafood custard, fried chicken with lemon wedges, broiled mackerel, enoki mushrooms, sashimi, and ramen in one sitting without feeling like a complete slob. At 9th St. & 3rd Ave., 212-598-3041.