BBW Porn Encouraged Me to Have Better Sex

I first came across images of BBWs and BHMs in 2011, acronyms referring to “big beautiful women” and “big handsome men”, respectively. If you’ve ever visited free adult entertainment sites like Pornhub or XVideos, chances are you’ve seen them as clickable categories full of content starring fat performers. Sometimes, the narratives depicted in these videos centre the performers’ fatness; sometimes they don’t. Regardless, BBW has seemingly become shorthand for “fat porn”.

Those first images I saw didn’t depict sex, though. Not all BBW and BHM models are porn stars in a traditional sense, but rather a niche type of model within the fat fetish community. Many of these models create videos or shoot photographs in celebration of their bodies, with other people rarely making an appearance.

Far more common are images or clips of fat babes lovingly caressing their bellies, zooming into the waves of their bodies as they dance, posing like classic pin-ups, or delighting in the movement of their jiggling thighs. They capture their fatness in ways we are told, both overtly and covertly, are off limits for people without flat tummies and thigh gaps.

In some of the more “hardcore” performances, the models might wank; in some of the more “softcore” stuff, they might just take some photos of themselves in the bath, full belly and full bush on display. In all the content I’ve seen, though, fatness is framed as intriguing, powerful, sensual and beautiful. There is no hint of shame – a word that is arguably meant to govern our entire sense of self-understanding as fat people. 

Although there are darker sides to any sexuality or kink, my personal experiences within fat fetishism have been nothing but affirming. I have enjoyed the company of people who identify as “fat admirers”, and whose attraction toward me does not exist “in spite” of my body. I have befriended gainers (those who intentionally gain weight for sexual and/or emotional gratification), feeders (people who find pleasure in feeding partners and/or seeing them gain weight), and feedees (those who delight in being fed and/or gaining weight).  I have loved hearing their stories of rebellion, in which fatness – this thing that we are told to fear, to eradicate, to shed, to hide – is treated with such love. 

Unfortunately, the fat fetish community often gets a bad reputation, even within fat liberation circles. It is reduced to the domain of predatory straight cis men; usually, dudes who will non-consensually fetishise fat women. I’ve heard horror stories of guys showing up to dates with pig masks, demanding their fat female paramours gain weight against their will, or forcing themselves into fat women’s rolls.

Non-consensual fetishisation happens within the community, of course, as it does in the world at large. All around us are people who take advantage of others, who cross boundaries, who prioritise their own pleasure over a partner’s, who objectify someone based on the way they look, only to fuck off as soon as they’ve gotten their end away.

I don’t believe abuse within the fat fetish community exists purely because someone is a fat fetishist, though. Chances are it happens for the same reasons it happens everywhere else. In terms of heterosexual sexuality, we sadly continue to teach men that their pleasure is paramount, and that women exist solely to fulfill whatever desires occur to them. Obviously, this would seep into the fat fetish community – it seeps into everything. 

As for me, though, my relationship to my own body has been transformed at the site of the work BBW and BHM models are doing. The first BBW model I ever came across was Plump Princess. I soon learned she was a community celebrity of sorts, known on the scene for many years. In the first picture I saw, she was wearing what looked like a lycra bodysuit the colour of that blueberry kid from Willy Wonka. It hugged every curve and roll, and she just looked so damn cool and strong and secure in herself –adjectives I never would’ve imagined associating with myself. 

She was my port of entry into the larger world of BBW modelling. Unlike mainstream BBW porn, consuming the content created by (mostly) independent fat fetish models didn’t just help me realise that someone else might take pleasure in my body, but that I might be able to do so as well.

The effects of this were twofold. The obvious one is that I was emboldened to participate in better, more fulfilling intimacy: sex that wasn’t tainted by my attempts at keeping my stomach hidden, wearing a push-up bra throughout to feign perkier boobs, or applying concealer to my stretch marks before undressing (practices that were, in retrospect, pretty heartbreaking). Not only did I start feeling more at ease in private scenarios with other human beings who wanted to touch my body, but I started feeling more at ease with touching my own body; with getting to know my softness, my squishiness, my textures. There was so much about my figure I never dared to look at closely before, let alone to feel. 

Less obvious, though, have been the effects of fetish models on the way I carry myself outside of intimate situations. What has always struck me about the photos and videos these people make is the strength in themselves that they radiate. It’s as if they don’t let anyone tell them that their body is unworthy. They claim their right to so many wonderful things – food, cute clothes, pleasure, glamour, luxury, self-care, pampering – and in turn, they started me on a path to claiming my right to all of it, too.

Today, I can eat without shame, dress without shame and seek pleasure without shame – lessons I learned from the big, beautiful women who take their kits off on the internet.