Entertainment

These Alleged Avatar Sequel Titles Are Awful, So Here Are 50 Better Ideas

Literally anything beats 'Avatar: The Seed Bearer.'
November 2, 2018, 8:03pm
'Avatar' Film Director James Cameron and performers from 'Toruk' pose at the Opening Night for the New York Premeire of Cirque Du Soleil's 'Toruk' inspired by the James Cameron film 'Avatar' at Barclays Center on September 7, 2016 in New York City
Photo by Bruce Glikas/Bruce Glikas/FilmMagic

There are more Avatar movies coming whether we like it or not. A lot more. James Cameron is currently hard at work cranking out four sequels, the first of which will hit theaters in December 2020, with the others rolling out every few years after that until the end of time or 2025, whichever comes first.

Information about the upcoming films has been pretty slight—at least, until now. On Friday, the BBC released a report that supposedly reveals the titles for Avatar II-IV. According to some mysterious "documentation," the next four Avatar movies might be called Avatar: The Way of Water, Avatar: The Seed Bearer, Avatar: The Tulkun Rider, and Avatar: The Quest for Eywa.

Yes, "The Seed Bearer."

The names haven't been verified, so it's unknown if they're the actual titles, working titles, or just entirely made up, but one thing is abundantly clear: These names suck. Slashfilm may have done a heroic job digging through the Avatar Wiki to unpack what the hell "The Quest for Eywa" might actually mean, but still. These are some really, truly, unapologetically heinous titles.

So in honor of the impending onslaught of Avatar movies with potentially godawful names, we here at VICE have taken it upon ourselves to come up with 50 better options out of the goodness of our hearts. Have at them, James Cameron:

  • Avatar: A Very Expensive Cartoon
  • Avatar: Journey to the Uncanny Valley
  • Avatar: Avatar Chronicles Part 1: The Legend of N'S'Wing'Tho
  • Avatar and the Hunt for a Better Metaphor for Colonialism
  • Avatar: The One Where They Fuck with Their Tails Some More
  • Avatar: Back in 2-D for Some Reason
  • Avatar: In 4-D Now Which Means Gross Water Will Squirt on Your Face
  • Avatar: The Hubris of Cameron
  • Avatar: I Just Did This So They Would Pay for Submarines
  • Avatar: Don't Ask Why the Bad Guy Is Back Even Though He Definitely Died Already
  • Avatar: Again with the Blue People
  • Avatar XI: Madea's Return
  • Avatar: The Ear Gauger
  • Avatar: The Dancing Plant
  • Avatar: The Legend of Eywa's Gold
  • Wet Hot American Avatar
  • Avatar: This Time Starring Oprah
  • Return to Avatar Mountain
  • Avatar: Here We Go Again
  • Avatar 2000
  • Avatar: Fine, Fine, We'll Do Full Frontal
  • Avatar vs. Predator vs. Jason
  • Avatar: Another Movie Not as Good as the Ride
  • Avatar II: The Four Nations Used to Live in Harmony
  • Avatar III: Everything Changed When the Fire Nation Attacked
  • Avatar IV: Only the Avatar Mastered All Four Elements
  • Avatar V: But When the World Needed Him Most, He Vanished
  • Avatar VI: Somehow, the Avatar Will Return to Save the World
  • Avatar II: European Gigolo
  • The Avatar Awakens
  • Avatar: The Musical
  • Avatar: Timothée Chalamet in Conversation with Harry Styles
  • Avatar XVII: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh, Something About the Trees?
  • Mr. Avatar Goes to Washington
  • Avatar: It's Still Just Dances with Wolves
  • Avatar: Daba Dee Daba Die
  • Avatar: Yeah, You Saw Me, So the Fuck What
  • Avatar: Spring Break
  • Avatar After Dark
  • Avatar: TJ Miller Is in This One
  • Avatar: Is This Content?
  • Rise of the Avatars
  • Revenge of the Rise of the Planet of the Blue People
  • Avatar: Tokyo Drift
  • Avatar: In Avatar, Do the Na'vi Have Human-Like Genitals?
  • Avatar: Several People Are Typing in Slack
  • This Avatar Is Tearing Our Office Apart
  • Avatar: Literally No One Is Asking for These Movies
  • Avatar: Seriously, Show Me a Single Person Excited About This
  • Avatar: No, You Can't Say the Horny Weirdo Who Wrote That Quora Post

You're welcome.

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