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Watch a Sad Hugh Jackman Wheel Around an Elderly Patrick Stewart in the New Wolverine Trailer

He's still the claw man!

Still via 'Logan'

Hugh Jackman IS Wolverine! Jamie Foxx IS a dirty cop with everything to lose. Michael Fassbender IS an Assassin's Creed! This IS the trailer round-up.

Logan (aka Wolverine 3)

Why is this trailer set to Johnny Cash's cover of "Hurt"? Do trailer people think we are all so easily manipulated? So vulnerable to the machinations of some editor in a dark room that all it takes for us to feel pain for a make-believe claw man is some jingle jangle and the smoky voice of country's bad boy? LOL *wipes away so many tears*

Sleepless

Now this is a movie! Jamie Foxx is a dirty cop who ripped off the wrong guy! Now his son is kidnapped and time is running out to make things right! And now Internal Affairs is on his ass! And here's T.I. as his confused partner! Plus Gabrielle Union as his put-upon wife who OF COURSE is a nurse! Can't wait.

Guardians of the Galaxy 2

Who didn't love the first Guardians of the Galaxy movie? You'd have to be some kind of unfeeling monster to not appreciate the raw beauty of Groot. But I think part of that initial appeal was because we all had very low expectations of the original. It was a pleasant surprise. "Oh hey, did you see Guardians of the Galaxy? It was actually pretty good!" Director James Gunn promises the follow-up will live up to that promise and even swears he'll beef up the storyline for our female protagonists (I think he literally said it would steamroll the Bechdel test) and that's great and I hope it's true just give me my Groot!

Assassin's Creed

This is the second official trailer for Assassin's Creed. For anyone who is familiar with the insanely popular video game series, Assassin's Creed is about a man in a brown cape who is always squatting on super high water towers in Italy/Israel/London. Before I hand you my money, can one of the producer's on the film please email me directly to let me know if I will or will not be seeing Michael Fassbender's dick?

A Cure for Wellness

Whoa. This is a great trailer because I legitimately have no idea what the fuck this movie is about. Follow Amil Niazi on Twitter.