​Babies in Nature

The baby needs a strong relationship with the natural world, mane. This land was made for your bb.

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Jan 28 2016, 5:00am

The author and his baby, enjoying nature

I know I've mentioned nature numerous times before, but it's important so I'm gonna do a whole column on it. The baby needs a strong relationship with the natural world, mane: the wind in the willows, the birds, the bees, the flowers and the trees, the roaring ocean waves ceaselessly lapping at the sandy shores, the cumulus clouds bulbous with rain scraping the earth's azure ceiling, the emerald green leaves and the ruby red flower buds, scruffy underbrush and dangly, viney overbrush, the prowling cats and growling doggies, the galloping steeds, cud-suckin' goats, the panthers and cougars, the apes, the buzzing insect kingdom, the leaping cods and salmons, the squirting whales and porpi, the jellyfish, the bubbling hot springs, the redwood forests to the gulf's clean waters, mane. This land was made for your bb.

Half the time when a baby is crying it just needs to get out in the fresh air, see some trees, feel the sun, or look at the moon if it's night. Let the baby play in waters. I already talked about how Yemaya is a crucial ocean goddess, but it bares nigh constant repetition.

We're animals from nature, too. We came out the trees, put some clothes on, invented fire, and so forth, but end of the day we're animal creatures on this sprawling community peopling the grand spaceship Earth.

You know what's fucked up? Your boy Michigan Governor Rick Snyder (R), along with Treasurer Andy Dillon, the Flint City Council, the Karegnondi Water Authority, and all the other greedhead morons in Michigan letting filthy poisoned water run through Flint faucets as we speak. That's fucked as hell, bruh. Not to mention this is a problem plaguing Allah knows how many other cities in the USA. That's what happens when you let babies grow up with no clue as to how clutch the earth's natural resources are to us. They grow up and join the city council and they vote on this or that measure, sign this or that piece of paper that saves X amount of money, Y amount of which they can pocket for they own cutty lil selves, without thinking once of how that will affect their fellow man, woman, and child.

Take the little monkey to the damn park and whatnot. One flower is worth a thousand episodes of Dora the Explorah.

I bet nobody took baby Rick Snyder to swim in a crystal clean river as a baby. That's child abuse and it has a shitty ripple effect.

Man, take the baby to the top of a tall hill or mountain and have it look down on the world a bit, get it some perspective, see how we're cradled in this bountiful hearth, born of it, nurtured by it, to serve and return to it, not control and destroy it.

We spray poison on our fruits and veggies, mane. That's fucked. We tear apart mountains and desecrate streams looking for minerals and oils to power factories and vehicles that further pollute and destroy. We're a blight on this earth. Human beings are a harmful bacteria and it ain't no fair.

At the same time, we do our thing. From far away, when you look at all the lights in these little cities and towns we made, it almost seems like we're onto something. Maybe we are. But it seems like we could be way less of a dick about it.

Regardless, our children have inherited this filthy, ass-fucked, still-kinda-beautiful place and it's important that we instill in them a love for its natural wonders and a healthy distrust and distaste for the abusive nature of our flawed technologies. I'm not saying raise your kid to blow up a parking lot full of SUVs (I'm not not saying to do that either), but take the little monkey to the damn park and whatnot. One flower is worth a thousand episodes of Dora the Explorah. Take the baby to the beach and have it feed the seagulls some free bread. That's like the animal kingdom's version of a soup kitchen.

Take the baby to a soup kitchen, matter fact. Homeless people are people too. And people are part of nature. Get your baby in tune with the groovy-ass natural world. Buy organic, steer clear of them fructose corn syrups and what have you. Stay on that apple orange banana grape strawberry type wave, feel me? None of that Cheeto Dorito Oreo garbage they trying to sell you. They don't want you to eat organic, but trust me, eating organic is key.

Nature, bruh. Nature, my G. Nature, doggie. Hug a tree, son. Tell your son to hug a tree, too. Pet a passing bunny rabbit, mane. Have the bunny eat a carrot out your daughter's hand. Purify yourself in the waters of the Minnetonka, player. Get the baby swammin'. Bask in the sun's beautiful rays, pimpin'. Set some of that baby's melanin to working and watch it grow into a strong and responsible steward of the earth, bruh bruh.

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