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It’s Extraterrestrial: We Witnessed Kanye West Descend From His Death-Wafer For The Pablo Tour

Remember when Kanye did that song with Katy Perry about deep space blow jobs?

"I got a dirty mind, I got filthy ways/ I'ma trying to bathe my Ape in your Milky Way" - Kanye West

As is known, the Saint Pablo tour’s floating stage design was partially inspired by Ridley Scott, director of Blade Runner, The Martian, and Alien. Kanye’s a sci-fi dweeb, too, repeatedly citing Akira as one of his favourite movies. But what if the stage isn’t inspired by mere fiction? With its lights and looming presence, the Pablo stage resembles nothing so much as Black Triangles. No, this isn’t the Child Rebel Soldier reboot we’re hoping for one day, the name refers to oft-sighted triangular UFOs which more or less resemble glowing doom pizzas. I had a pizza slice at the Kanye show. It was my one meal that whole afternoon and night. Anyway, the point is that Kanye West probably grabbed the designs for his stage from a Pentagon proxy base somewhere. Remember when he did that extremely cringey song with Katy Perry about deep space blowjobs? Firstly, what. Secondly, what if he was writing from experience? Maybe this tour is the first wave.

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The set’s beginning, which had ‘Ye mount his platform to the strains of Pastor T.L. Barrett’s “Father I Stretch My Hands,” was a distinct sign that this show would be unlike any other in this galaxy. The minute the floodlights turned on, showering Kanye and his hapless crowd in golden rays, things felt astral. It wasn’t the kind of soothing spaciness that comes from a Sigur Ros or psychedelic dad-rock show, this was an invasion. Kanye’s lordly presence over the crowd was more like an advanced lifeform surveying the simple creatures before it, sizing up which of them would be most fit for analysis and/or consumption. He incited extreme emotions amongst the gathered stans in the pit with an opening salvo of barnstorming trap hits like “That Part” and a Drake-less “Pop Style.” The arrival of rapper Desiigner’s “Panda” hook during “Father Stretch My Hands” turned the ACC floor into an undulating mass of limbs. Perhaps this study of human behaviour at its most primal was all for the benefit of the intergalactic research organization DONDA.

"They calling me an Alien/ A Big Headed Astronaut" - Kanye West

The energy died down during a series of space-rock interludes that sounded like incidental music from The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. Kanye’s stage kinda looked like a Vogon Constructor Fleet, too, except it didn’t demolish Earth… yet. He definitely demolished the audience’s hearts during “Wolves” and “Runaway.” During the latter song, the stage/landing craft descended to just above the crowd’s level, becoming an island in a sea of hands. As Tony Williams played a dramatic, gospel-ized version of that simple chord progression on his piano, Kanye made his proclamation: “I want to get closer to y’all.” “Closer” as in a close… encounter? The crowd certainly seemed to want that, grasping at his outstretched limbs even as his voice went through bouts of raggedness. Why didn’t Kanye bring a water bottle on his platform? Maybe his species doesn’t need conventional hydration.

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The Starship West saved its most potent and furthest-reaching transmissions toward the end, as “Touch the Sky” and “Good Life” felt like long-lost, fan favourite deep cuts judging by their reception. These hits will always have staying power through their more analog sound and straightforward hooks. It did feel weird to have “Gold Digger” emanate from the Lite-Brite death-wafer. That slight dissonance made it apparent how sharply Yeezus has divided Kanye’s body of work into separate portions, even if “Blood on the Leaves” and “Black Skinhead” felt as accepted into the canon as, say, “Stronger.” Speaking of which: Daft Punk may have been Kanye’s precursors in arriving on Earth to play a show in a UFO. Sadly, they took off to dimensions unknown to find the smoothest-sounding electric piano in the universe, wholly unsatisfied with our planet’s models. In any case, the Pablo stage did what it was intended to do. Laid bare, Kanye’s wealth of music and idiosyncratic performance spoke loud and clear.

"Tell me what's next, Alien Sex? / Then I'ma probe you. See, I abducted you, so I tell you what to do" - Kanye West

As “Ultralight Beam” shuffled to a close, a single ray of white light appeared. Hands from the crowd shot up to meet it. No one seemed to fear that they’d get abducted. Kanye himself levitated toward the light, and given the theatrics of the Yeezus tour, it wouldn’t have been surprising to see him swallowed up into heaven/his mothership. But no, the stage kept moving past the light, was lowered to the ground and Kanye eventually lept off to give daps to the waiting throngs. He unceremoniously left seconds later. He’s not an alien or an angel; Kanye’s just doing his job. He’s pretty good at it, too. Welcome to Earth, Mr. West.

Phil will never get the hang of Thursdays. Follow him on Twitter.

All photos by Jake Kivanç