VICE Sports World News Roundup: September 30

Good morning, America. Welcome to the VICE Sports World News Roundup. Be sure to stop by daily for your morning headlines.

It's the 30th of September, 2015, and Sepp Blatter is still president of FIFA. Your regular rounder-upper, Brian Blickenstaff, is on vacation. Please give him a warm welcome upon his return. Pretend that you missed him.

The Champions League group stage has been abnormally interesting so far this year, mostly because English teams have been even more terrible than usual. Arsenal lost again, this time to Olympiakos, thanks to a David Ospina own goal. Chelsea lost to Porto. The two Manchesters play today.

Robert Lewandowski scored a hat trick against Dinamo Zagreb, making that 10 goals in three matches. I want whatever he's having.

Adding to Barcelona's injury woes (i.e., Messi), Andres Iniesta is now injured, too. It's times like these when you realize how remarkable Barcelona's health has been over the last few years.

Super-agent Jorge Mendes is being sued by three former workers, who accuse the second-richest agent in the world of, well, being a cartoonish villain of a boss. They say he demanded they work non-stop, surveilled them Big Brother-style, abused them verbally, and overall treated them poorly. "We were fed their leftovers, we didn't have off days, we were always locked inside the house, at his service, non-stop," the maids told ABC.es (translated by VICE Sports Spain's Jordi Mestre). Yikes.

Here's a weird one. A blogger for the French publication Le Monde accused Pau Gasol of doping for the Eurobasket championship (in which, you may recall, Spain beat France in the semifinals thanks to Gasol's 40 points). The Spanish sports council then issued a press release announcing its intention to sue the blogger for defamation, but they spelled the blogger's name wrong. Now everyone looks stupid. Way to go.

Brian usually does a photo of the day, but to mix it up a bit, here's your motivational Sepp Blatter quote of the day:

Don't look at me.