This story is over 5 years old
Tech by VICE

How to Survive a 1,000-Pound Direct Kick to the Balls

It's an incredible sight to see _Sport Science_ star Kirby taking 1,100 lbs of force from Justice's shin on rapid-fire repeat. More incredible: he just stands there, like a _Mortal Kombat_ or _Street Fighter_ character, completely unfazed, not even...

by Daniel Stuckey
Aug 1 2012, 7:50pm

It’s an incredible sight to see Sport Science star Kirby taking 1,100 lbs of force from Justice’s shin on rapid-fire repeat. More incredible: he just stands there, like a Mortal Kombat or Street Fighter character, completely unfazed, not even with animated stars swirling around his head or waiting for Justice to finish him. Kirby, insanely, looks DTF after what seems should implode his manhood. Now, I know the name of this post is How to Get Kicked in the Balls, and I know it seems a little unlikely that people with balls are interested in becoming Kirby’s grasshopper anytime soon, just to sustain such psychotic blows to their huevos.

My only takeaway from this segment was that desensitization over time keeps your cojones strong like bull. This isn’t exactly a ‘how to survive a sudden ordeal,’ type of segment. (I was really hoping Kirby was going to instantly burst into a lesson about the awesome way he retracted his nuts like an Alligator’s eyelid.) Instead, the explanation is years of welcomed torture, micro-fractures, and OD’ing on a neuropeptide called Substance P; that’s basically all you need to set out for a PhD in getting kicked in the balls. (It’s tempting to speculate on even the metaphorical connections with tolerance-building in other addicts, from meth-heads to workaholics to fabulists like Jonah Lehrer or Jason Blair, for whom lying is a way to temporarily numb the pain. Doesn’t seem healthy.)

We have far too many important things to be doing right now, but has given some tips on how to survive this pursuit, if pursue this ‘invincibility’ you must. There are however no tips on how to survive the pain you might get from simply watching the video.

Follow Daniel Stuckey on Twitter


Nervous system
Signal P