The Internet Wants to Know Who Dumped This Cake in a Bin

Cake is one of mankind's favoured forms of message transmission. Birthday cakes ("I hope the deliberate absence of candles makes people stop wondering how old I am"), Christmas fruitcake ("Let's celebrate the birth of Christ with something that 90 percent of the population doesn't enjoy eating"), towering wedding cakes ("My parents just spent £200 on a Victoria sponge"). Why say it with boring old words when you have buttercream icing and edible glitter?

But like any form of communication, wires can get crossed and messages are misinterpreted—something that may have led to the dumping of an untouched cake in a London bin this week.

The large, white frosting-laden cake, emblazoned with red balloons and the words "Congratulations Matt & Pete on the office romance," was spotted by passerby Amy Hopkins, who uploaded a photo to Facebook.

"I thought perhaps someone in the office had made it as a joke to poke fun at two lads, 'Matt and Pete,' who were particularly good friends," she told The Daily Mail yesterday, after the photo received over one thousand shares and comments.

But Amy, look at the force with which that iced monolith has been shoved in the bin. Imagine the pain and hot tears you'd have been gulping back to dump a delicious, two-tiered, beribboned baked good in a scummy Covent Garden bin (instead just shoving it in your gob à la that Sex and the City episode where Miranda panic-devours a giant "I love you" cookie). Was this really a joke?

The internet certainly seems to think that there's more to the abandoned cake than Wednesday afternoon office bants.

One tweeter suggested that "co workers thought it was a joke and actually exposed a real secret affair so the cake got thrown," while others mention jilted lovers and adulterous fornications. Or maybe Pete was just really wasn't trying to do the 5:2 this week and you guys could have been a little more sensitive and at least gotten a fruit basket.

Despite such online speculation, the mysterious Matt and Pete have yet to come forward and take ownership of their secret affair/bromance/aversion to white icing.

"I have no idea what the real story could be but there are clearly a lot of people who would like to find out," Hopkins conceded.

And there are a lot of people, guys. We need something to sate our procrastination-fueled curiosity before the next internet *eye roll* story hits. Who are you? What happened? And if you make a habit of dumping large baked goods, could we at least have a heads up next time?