Nickelback Defeated Arnold Schwarzenegger on Valentine's Day After He Compared Them to Herpes

They used the deadliest weapon of all: Canadian politeness.

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Feb 17 2017, 5:41pm

Something was overlooked in the hubbub, both welcome and unwelcome, of the Valentine's week. It was a confrontation that left the world reeling in its wake, so much so that things will never be the same again. Valentine's Day 2017 shall forever be known as the date that a mildly-washed Canadian rock band known as Nickelback took on the guy from the smartphone game ads, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and won.

Arnold, as he always does in times of strife, took aim with an RPG (a.k.a. Twitter) at the U.S. Congress and their inadequacy by comparing them to two despised things: STIs and Nickelback. The band was not pleased and this is how they reminded Arnold.

Fucking wrecked. The song that the Smashing Pumpkins did for that movie kinda still goes, though. But Nickelback are entitled to their sanctity as Canadians who'd rather not be involved in the affairs of hellspawn-led America. Arnold seemed to agree, and realized he'd been beat.

Don't let the humility fool you, the Albertans know that they tossed Arnie in the proverbial pit of molten steel and he's giving them that patented Terminator thumbs up as he slowly melts. Victory today, yes, but what will the boys do about this old picture of Chad Kroeger and future U.S. Senator Kid Rock?

Rockstar, Pt. 2 coming soon fam wait on it

Phil is feelin' way too damn good on Twitter.