Easter is not an easy time for Peeps. Out of the 2 billion marshmallow Peeps born every year, about 800 million perish during Easter season, according to a great photo package at the Times. Hungry Easter brats with sticky fingers and runny noses eat these Peeps giggling with glee, displaying callous indifference to the Peep’s suffering. And Peeps are virtually without advocates, unlike those precious Thanksgiving turkeys.As if mastication and digestion wasn't enough, Peeps are degraded and mocked while they are alive, often the subjects of violent Peep bashing smut on Youtube. Humans commonly find it amusing to smash Peeps with hammers, light them on fire, flush them down the toilet and send them through an egg dicer.Did you know that no 2 Peeps are the same? Did you know that almost all Peeps suffer from birth defects like misplaced eyes and conjoined siblings? Considering this withering existence, is it any surprise that many Peeps struggle with substance abuse problems? According to a study at peepresearch.org, Peeps can generally handle a smoking or drinking habit in isolation, but when the two vices are combined, Peeps catch on fire and melt. Essentially Peep suicide.We must end this senseless suffering. So, I am asking you to join me on April 8th for a Peep awareness day. One day. We will wear matching bracelets. We will put up cool posters of notorious Peep murderers. We will be smart and we will be thorough. Peep torturers will be too ashamed to show their faces at any candy store. This ends now. Peep 2012!
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