A Shaky, Wet Screening at the World’s First 5D Porn Cinema

This article originally appeared on VICE Netherlands

Porn star Kim Holland whispers in my ear while she massages my shoulders. "You're going to have quite the experience," she assures me. "Just sit back and enjoy it."

It's Friday night and I'm in the world's first 5D adult cinema, which opened this month in Amsterdam. With me is Kim Holland and five of her colleagues, all adult film stars who helped her put this 5D sexperience together.

The film itself is in 3D, so I have to stick on special glasses, which is handy because during the film, substances are squirted into the audience and can well end up in your face. The liquids come from the special chairs we're sat on, which also release particular smells based on what's happening on screen, and swerve and vibrate in sync with the action.

The location is the former erotic movie theatre Sex Cinema Venus. Founded in the 1970s, it was the place to go for high-quality porn for decades. But the theatre was shut down ten years ago in one of the city's many attempts to clean up the Red Light District. So it's not surprising that at a time when Amsterdam is trying to keep the inner city from becoming just an amusement park for tourists, some local politicians were not happy when Kim Holland announced her plans to start a 5D porn cinema. No one could stop her though – apparently the concept of showing people fucking in five dimensions actually falls within the zoning plan for the building.

I take my seat in a small room that can barely fit 12 chairs. Holland sits right behind me, whispering in my ear about how excited she is that I'm about to witness this greatness. The film opens with a shot of Holland and her friends, lined up like superheroes. The camera then takes us outside into the Red Light District where we see a man smoking a joint. From here, the story goes a bit like this: he fucks a few women, his bike gets stolen, he bumps into a tourist, gets a blowjob on a canal tour boat, has a threesome in a jacuzzi, eats a banana out of the vagina of one of the girls at Amsterdam's famous Banana Bar, gives a blowjob and is finally punished by a dominatrix.

Throughout the film, the chairs swivel and swerve along to the action. When our hero arrives at the jacuzzi, actual bubbles start floating by – and whenever one of the actors come, we're squirted in the face with a substance that I can only hope is water. Meanwhile, the shots change every three seconds, so the experience quickly becomes a real rollercoaster for the senses. The film an ode to horniness, with the subtlety of strobe lighting.

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Throughout the film, the chairs make a constant buzzing sound, but after a while the noise sort of fades into the background – largely thanks to the hollering actors sat right behind me. Though this is the third time they're seeing the film, they're still not over the insanity of the shaking seats or the 3D whip that reaches out to slap the audience. They are also really supportive of each other whenever one of them appears on screen.

It's all over after about ten minutes, and I stick around to chat with Holland and two of her co-stars, Nora and Mandy, about what the hell I just witnessed.

They are really proud of the work they've put into making the world's first 5D porno. "It was a lot of fun to do," Nora tells me. "Aside from having an extra camera on set, there really wasn't a big difference in the way we normally work."

I tell them how relieved I am that we were spared from having to endure the smell of semen during the showing. "We did consider that," Holland reveals. "But smells are so subjective – one person might enjoy it, while another thinks it's disgusting." That wouldn't have fit the vibe they were going for because Holland says she wanted to create a pleasant experience for everyone. She thought the flowery scent coming from the jacuzzi bubbles offered a better way to introduce the sensation of smell into the porn experience.

And while some people will undoubtedly try to have sex in the theatre, keeping your balance on a shaking chair with all these liquids flying around and bubbles floating by would be a challenge. "That isn't the experience we're looking for," says Holland. "We just want to introduce a fun, contemporary way to enjoy eroticism. And when you leave this space, there are plenty of spots in the area you can go to fuck or masturbate."

"This is more like an amusement attraction," says Nora. "When you come to Amsterdam as a tourist, for instance, you know you're coming to a very uninhibited place. Tourists have never seen anything like this in their home country." Holland quickly jumps in to add that 5D Porn isn't just for tourists, but also a "must see" for locals.

While 5D Porn might not be the first place I'd go when I want to get in the mood, it's good that it exists. Not only because the women who created it are so proud of their work, but also because – intentionally or not – this sex attraction is a good response to the efforts to scrub the Red Light District clean of anything that smells like sex or looks like fun.