Screw your lemonade stands. Seriously. Ten-year-olds selling fifteen-cent cups of over sweetened sugar water under the guise of young entrepreneurial spirit can suck it.
What we want is pure metal riffs. For free. Preferably performed by a shirtless dude wearing a cape. The absolute hero in this recently uploaded YouTube video ticks all the boxes [and licks all the licks] as he doles out free metal to passing traffic and pedestrians like some philanthropic suburban shred lord.
Thanks 'Internet Guy Performing Free Metal In His Front Yard' guy, the world loves you.
Follow Noisey on Twitter.