self improvement

I Tried Tightening My Vagina with Some Herbal Drink in Indonesia

"Jamu" also promised to sweeten my sweat, sooth my tired muscles, and just generally improve my life.

by Aisyah Llewellyn
Nov 16 2017, 7:00pm

All images by Aidli Rizki Nasution

This article originally appeared on VICE UK.

Jamu is a kind of traditional Indonesian medicine supposedly made from all-natural ingredients. It comes in a ready-made powder, and you can find the stuff in little packets everywhere. The powder is designed to treat a variety of ailments, ranging from diabetes to impotence. It also reportedly does things that have nothing to do with treating ailments, like vagina tightening.

Jamu is said to date back some 1,300 years, which is why there are sculptures of jamu drinking scenes carved into the walls of Borobudur Temple from the 8th century. A few decades ago, jamu was seen as hopelessly old-fashioned, but now it’s experiencing something of a revival in part due to the current Indonesian President, Joko Widodo, who apparently drinks a glass every morning and has done so for the past 17 years.

I don’t really get jamu, but I figure it must be popular for a reason. There are enough shops peddling the stuff to suggest it does something; so I decide to trial a few different varieties and see for myself. And of course, I start with the strangest one.

Sari Rapet: The Vagina Tightener

Mixing up a batch

Yes, I’m going to try a medicine that supposedly shrinks vaginas, and will, therefore, enhance sexual pleasure. Because surely this is every woman’s dream, right? And yes, there are some horrible misogynistic overtones about all of this but I decided not to think about it.

I start by visiting a doctor, just to get his thoughts. Dr. Aznan Lelo, is a professor of pharmacology at the University of North Sumatra and all-round expert on jamu. When I meet him, Dr. Aznan highlights the subtle difference between jamu and other kinds of herbalist concoctions. He explains that traditional jamu recipes are handed down from generation to generation, whereas most other herbal medicines lack the charm of historical lineage.

On that basis, I hate to lower the tone, but I ask him whether jamu can indeed constrict women’s vaginas.

Dr. Aznan Lelo

“Well, whether it works or not scientifically isn’t really the point. Women buy vagina-tightening jamu because they think it works.”

It's a placebo effect for your vagina. This doesn’t fill me with confidence.

To get started, I visit a rather fancy jamu shop in Medan, north Sumatra, which is close to my house in case anything goes wrong and my vagina spontaneously combusts. Once there, I drink the foul concoction, which somehow manages to be sour, herbal, and bitter all at the same time.

The only way to test if jamu works is to have sex and see what happens. So that’s what I did, only to discover it’s had no effect. I imagined my vagina would now have taken on a life of its own and that my husband would struggle to escape its vice-like grip. But not so.

“Maybe you need to drink it over a long period of time,” he ponders aloud.

I tell him the stuff is disgusting and that won’t be possible.

Pegal Linu: The Muscle Soother

Eka in her store

I go back to the shop and ask the shopkeeper, Eka, what their most popular kind of jamu is. She tells me it’s Pegal Linu, which soothes aches and pains. Eka mixes the jamu powder and presents it to me with a glass of hot water close by—presumably to take the edge off. If I were being charitable, I’d say it tastes like a cinnamon latte if the cap accidentally came off the cinnamon. It’s so heavily spiced that it’s tough to swallow.

Almost as soon as I drink it, my heart starts racing and I vibrate home. I’ve never taken speed, but I imagine this is what it feels like. I suspect this has something to do with the six ginseng pills I was directed to pound back at the end of the ordeal. Do my muscles still hurt? I‘m so jacked on jamu that I have no idea.

This brings me back to Dr. Aznan, who points out that jamu is not to be messed with. In recent years, unscrupulous jamu producers have been mixing jamu with other things like steroids to give them an extra kick. Dr. Aznan also mentions a kind of jamu that is meant to make men more virile but which many producers just mix with crushed Viagra to make it seem like it actually works.

I also ask Dr. Aznan if it’s true that jamu can help you to feel less tired and he blinks wearily,

“If you’re tired, why don’t you go to sleep?”

So far all his answers point to the fact that jamu doesn’t do much at all.

Rapet Wangi: The Sweat Sweetener

Udin the jamu connoisseur

Allegedly, this makes women’s sweat smell sweeter. Because I’m British, and Indonesia is a tropical country, I spend most of my time looking like I’ve been boiled. This form of jamu seems like it could be useful.

I need an even selection of jamu shops as part of this experiment, so l try a smaller and more rustic establishment run by a man named Udin who is a jamu enthusiast. Udin has owned this shop since 2006 and I ask him if jamu is a good business to get into.

“It’s not a good business; it’s a great business” he beams.

Udin tells me he makes good coin selling jamu, which I find amazing as he sells me a glass for $0.22. He must sell a lot of it.

Udin sold options

I thought sweat-sweetening jamu would be a good idea. It isn’t. The previous jamu was bitter but manageable. This jamu is like drinking liquid compost. To make matters worse, it makes me start sweating profusely almost immediately. Is that the point? Maybe it’s supposed to make me sweat so much that people around me become immune to it.

At Udin’s jamu shop, I meet a 34-year-old patron called Fandi who swears by jamu. He has been drinking it all his life and likes it because it’s "all natural" and makes him feel "fresh." I’m certainly not feeling that fresh myself, but everyone assures me it’s because I’m just not used to it yet.

Sehat Badan: The Pick-Me-Up

Yanti

An even more traditional approach is in order so I try a small jamu stall by the side of the road owned by Yanti. She puts everything in a glass then gets to work with some egg beaters. She’s really giving it some vigor.

It arrives and looks like manure. There are even little bits of what look like straw floating on the surface. God, it’s bitter. Thoughtfully, she has prepared a small shot glass as a chaser, which has warm ginger in it mixed with honey. I want ten more of these and hold the jamu. The ginger is delicious and reminds me of a hot toddy.

...And it was gross, like always

As soon as I leave, I feel like there’s an alien inside my stomach fighting to get out. I start burping loudly which is, according to my delighted Indonesian friends, it's a sign that wind trapped inside me (called masuk angin) is coming out.

I spend all night feeling like a walking whoopee cushion. Do I feel better the next day? Yes, but mostly because I’ve finally stopped expelling gas.

So did any of the jamu have any effect?

Some pre-fab varieties at Yanti's store

Well, I can say with confidence that every glass of jamu I drank produced some sort of short-term reaction, be it sweating, palpitations, or just an extreme sense of nausea. On that basis, it seems that the herbs and other ingredients in jamu definitely had some kind of effect on the body. But just not necessarily the right one—it definitely didn’t aromatize my sweat or give me a daintier vagina.

Perhaps the key to jamu is just believing. Maybe that’s enough for all the people who buy and drink it regularly, including the president himself.

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Tagged:
medicine
indonesia
herbal
jamu