Massive bundles of weed keep washing up on Florida beaches, and police would really, really, really prefer it if you left it alone. Over the past week, more than 100 pounds of marijuana wrapped in plastic bricks have been found in the surf in three Florida counties near Daytona Beach, the Washington Post reports, and it's been basically a feeding frenzy for anyone lucky enough to stumble across them.
Last Thursday, Volusia County sheriffs responded to a 911 call reporting "seven or eight people" fighting over one of these water-logged bales of bud, and wound up arresting one man who tried to sneak away with an 11-pound brick of weed in his trunk. Unfortunately for the cops, at least one woman allegedly managed to make a clean getaway with a score of nugs—and now they're on the hunt to track her down.
"This woman is wanted in connection to the marijuana that washed up on Flagler County beaches 9/13/18," the Flagler County Sheriff's Office wrote in a Facebook post last weekend, along with a picture of the alleged weed snatcher.
The woman in the photo does appear to have some pretty recognizable tattoos on her back and possibly on her left hand, as well, so the Sheriff's Department is likely hoping that some responsible citizen will recognize her and turn her in to Crime Stoppers, but so far, it looks like no one's been particularly very helpful.
"Anyone that helps you find this woman had no friends in school because they ate boogers and actually told the substitute what chapter you left off on," one commenter wrote.
"Go investigate real crime thats going on in Flagler like heroin and meth dealers instead of wasting tax dollars on this bs," another said.
"You know how when my bike gets stolen you send a deputy as fat as me out to tell me with his sweaty lip and his half untucked shirt that 'we’ll make a report, but don’t recover too much stolen property sir'?" a third asked. "Is this why?"
For the time being, the suspect is still on the loose, presumably getting supremely stoned, lying low until the heat dies down, and maybe trying to find some gloves to wear to cover up that incriminating tattoo, too. If you recognize the woman in the photo or her various back tattoos, you have a few options. You could do the noble and right thing, make the important decision as a law-abiding citizen, and narc her out to the cops.
Or, if you are a diabolical monster bent on disobeying the police and shattering the thin line between order and chaos holding our fragile society together, you could, you know, do the other thing: Dig through your recycling bin for a plastic bottle suitable for fashioning a grav-bong and immediately drive over to the woman's house to see if she needs any help disposing of the evidence. The decision is in your able hands.
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