There are many strange and compelling mysteries surrounding Donald Trump's appearance. There's the way his hair is seemingly crafted from knitted strands of raw spaghetti and those suspiciously stubby fingers, of course, but there's one enduring question that has evaded easy answer from the beginning—namely, what the fuck is going on with his skin?
For years, the unnatural hue of Donald Trump's flesh has inspired writers across the net to channel what they learned in freshman year poetry workshops into attempts to cobble together suitable metaphors for his perplexingly orange visage. The Cheeto tack has become a touchstone, as has the carrot and the Creamsicle—but overwrought comparisons aside, no one has actually been able to figure out why, exactly, he looks like some kind of weird, fucked up food product.
Until now. In the New York Times' recent investigation into the origins of his orange face, a White House insider finally weighed in on how Trump manages to maintain his unnatural tan even in the dead of winter: He's apparently just got, uh, "good genes."
The official line from the White House, as with other matters surrounding the president’s physical health and appearance, is that Mr. Trump’s glow is the result of “good genes,” according to a senior administration official who would speak only on the condition of anonymity.
And, O.K., a little powder — a translucent one, not a bronzer — which the president applies himself before television appearances, the official said.
Well, there you have it, everyone—it's not tanning beds or bronzers or chemical sprays that give the president his apricot complexion, regardless of what Omarosa might say. It's just his genes!
If we want to accept that obviously dubious statement as fact, still, some questions remain. Namely, where the hell did those genes come from? The Trump children didn't get them, since they all appear to have at least passably humanoid flesh tones, except when Don Jr. goes too hard with the touch-up apps. And Trump's parents never looked particularly orange, either.
What's it all mean? Is Trump hiding some secret, orange-skinned family member somewhere in his bloodline? Was the man secretly spawned by Patti Mayonnaise? Well, uh, never mind all that. It's the genetics, OK? Genes are weird! Genes are complicated! Don't worry about it!
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