"Approval rating? Hahaha. Hey folks, how about you approve this wicked Mexican-American deuce that in a few hours will be dropping from my ass to your mouth, you ungrateful motherf—Wait, what's that? Yes, extra sour cream, please."
It's 81 degrees and sunny in beautiful Williamsburg, Brooklyn, today. And you know what that means... It's time for The Week in GIFs!
Obama ordered a chicken burrito bowl at Chipotle, which is PR-slang for, "Approval rating? Hahaha. Hey folks, how about you approve this wicked Mexican-American deuce that in a few hours will be dropping from my ass to your mouth, you ungrateful motherf—Wait, what's that? Yes, extra sour cream, please." He also did the dad thing and called the chain "Chipotle's." Of course, scores of pedantic schoolmarms on Twitter got their shorts into a twist because Obama reached over the sneeze guard like... he was the president of the United States of America or something. Pfft. Some people.
Now that someone actually won a bet that Luis "the Cannibal" Suarez would bite someone during the Urugay-Italy match last Sunday, I would like to propose a "bite-off" between Suarez and Mike Tyson. I am not sure what this would entail, exactly, but I do know that it would be amazing television.
You know what they say about giant stone vagina statues: Don't crawl inside or you might never come out. Sadly for the internet, this American exchange student managed to slip out of the monolithic vulva with the help of 22 German firefighters. Oh, well. You can't win 'em all!
There's a new app that now gives dick pics a bona fide medical purpose. Just take a photo of your possibly infected junk and zip it over anonymously to your doctor and he will tell you if you have gonoherpasyphilaids. It's like ordering a pizza from your phone! Isn't the future amazing?
Protestors in Egypt are fed up with sexual violence against women. And, in fact, Egypt, the entire world is fed up with violence against women. Stop it, assholes.
We documented NYC's premier "drug princess" as she smoked or tried to smoke a college diploma, a DVD of a Lindsay Lohan movie, powdered caffeine, and other shit that you should never inhale into your delicate lungs. Hats off to her for being such a sport, though!
Some kid who we are pretty sure is Bat Boy in disguise learned how to gyrate his hips by walking in on his parents fucking or whatever, and now his little sashay has ensured that his 15 minutes of fame came really, really early because it's "gone viral" as the geriatrics are prone to put it these days.
Watch these men in suits who are supposed to be running our government join hands and sing "We Shall Overcome," because it's really, really, really fucking sad what our tax dollars are paying for these days. But don't fret! Because this dog-and-pony show was in celebration of the 50th anniversary of the Civil Rights Act of 1964, I'm certain Pete Seeger would be so proud, and the only thing I can think of that's more offensive than this song is digging up his corpse to ask him what he thinks about it all. RIP Pete.
Guess what, crybabies? Life isn't that fucking hard. So throw away your anti-depressants and anxiety medications, grow out your hair, take off your fucking clothes, make some fart noises with your mouth, and spread the message of "LOVE NOW" like this tutti-frutti ding-dong genius did in Union Square last week. It's like the Beatles said: "Love (and farts) is all you need." PS: Whoever posted the video and referred to him as crazy, 1) He's a performance artist who has been trolling greater NYC for years now, and 2) Get a fucking life already. This guy has more fun than you will ever have in your 80 years of living shittily.