Parenting Advice from Real-Life Porn Star MILFs

To celebrate Mother's Day, we asked some of the top porn moms in the business, including Holly Halston, Kayden Kross, and Bonnie Rotten, to share their best parenting tips.

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May 8 2016, 4:00am

Teagan Presley with her two daughters. All photos courtesy of the subjects.

Porn stars are just like us. Really. They might make more money, have more sex, and enjoy their jobs far more than most people, but nearly every woman in the adult business I've interviewed over the past 20 years has had the same basic desires: be loved, be happy, and make it to the end of the life's road in one piece and hopefully not hurt anyone in the process. I've also come to realize since having my first child nearly seven years ago that I can relate more to the parenting beliefs and techniques of people who are ostracized for doing porn than I can with almost any parent in the suburbs of New Jersey.

Porn stars are scrutinized daily by society (and even their own fans) for their looks, actions, life choices, personal beliefs. When it comes to parenting, people question not only how they raise their children, but if they should even be allowed to have kids at all. It takes a very confident person to endure that level of bullshit. I applaud all the mothers out there, today and every day, especially the real-life porn MILFs.

Just as I interviewed some of the world's greatest skateboarders last Father's Day about their outsider approach to fatherhood, this Mother's Day I caught up with several of the best porn moms in the business to get some parenting advice, plus to let them know I wish there was anyone as cool at them at the PTA meetings I have to attend these days.

Holly Halston
Three Daughters, Ages 17, 18, and 23
@xxxHollyHalston

I'm the original porn MILF; I had my three girls before I started doing porn in 2000. I can say being a parent will take you to the brink of insanity and offer you the single most rewarding and frustrating experience of your entire life.

When I was first asked what advice I would give other parents, the first thing that came to mind is cover everything in plastic and double up on rubber mattress sheets. In seriousness, I believe I'm able to get through being a mom by having a great sense of humor, lots of love, and always talking to my girls about everything. Being honest with them has helped them to see my human side, and see that I too make mistakes, but every choice I made had pure intentions.

I can confidently say that you will make mistakes and probably screw parenting up, but having the grit to be proud of your mistakes is the goal. I learned alongside each of my three daughters how to be the best me. I was never afraid to say thank you to each daughter for teaching me something.

Kayden Kross
Daughter, Age 2
@Kayden_Kross

My experience [as a mother] has not been one of raising kids in the sex industry because the two worlds are separate; I work in the sex industry and I raise my daughter outside of that. I can tell you that the pros of having a job in the sex industry are that I get to set my hours to maximize the time I can spend with her, and that I can afford things like good preschools, healthy food choices, and so forth. The cons are that people automatically stigmatize my abilities as a parent or question my right to be a parent at all.

The most important lesson I've learned is never to ask her a yes or no question if I can't live with one of the answers. And the best advice I can offer is: Don't ask her if she needs to use the potty. Ask her which one of the potties she wants to use.

Sparky Sin Clair
Daughter, age 2
@Sparky_Fett

My advice would be to not let strangers, friends, family, society, even your own parents make you feel that you need to be conventional in order to be a good parent. To suddenly view sexuality as something to be ashamed of is an unfortunate side effect of the Madonna-whore complex. As if the moment I became pregnant, I was supposed to stop being me and become Mother Theresa? I don't have to take on "Mom" as my entire identity, as opposed to simply adding it to the inventory of roles that make up my identity. Sometimes it feels like once you become a mom, people want you to denounce the very thing that made it possible for your child to exist. No more pleasure, no more you, now you are here only as a means to an end for your child.

I recently got a tattoo I had been wanting for a while. It's a big pink butt plug wearing a bandana with a banner dead and center reading, "Plug Life." It's located on the front of my leg underneath my hip bone, and it's fairly visible if I'm wearing shorts.

My mom told me that I've "ruined my daughter's life forever. What will her teachers think? What will other parents think?" Any adversity my daughter faces due to the choices I have made, such as a profession in porn (or even a tattoo of a butt plug), will only present opportunities for her and I to learn about ourselves and grow in the process.

I'd rather show my daughter how to live from a place of love than a place of fear. And that starts with living my life how I decide is best for me (and subsequently her as well), rather than let the beliefs of others decide my path for me.

Brooke
Daughter, Age 4
@NewBrookeBrand

I am constantly being asked, "What are you going to tell your daughter about your work?" That is an extremely complex question and there is not a one-liner I can offer that will satisfy those who are intrigued.

Besides the fact that I'm able to spend more time with my daughter, my child is not treated any differently at home than the average working mom with a nine-to-five job. Who am I kidding? There are probably loads of differences! For one, we love being naked in our home. There is no shame when it comes to our bodies, and I want our daughter to feel comfortable in her own skin. There are no wrong questions our daughter could ask about our bodies, body parts, and how miraculously our bodies function.

For example, when our daughter asked me where babies come from, I responded with, "Out of women's vaginas." If you can believe this, our daughter has sat with me a few times to watch birthing videos on YouTube. I am not sure if that is normal, but I knew the very confused look on her face would be solved with a video explanation. Thank God for YouTube!

My theory is desensitization. The hope is for my daughter to understand the world and how it works, rather than to shelter her from it. My feelings are that, in return, her curiosity won't lead her to be a follower when it comes to peer pressure, losing her virginity, or to try drugs (to name a few of my concerns). She will understand the consequences of her own actions, be secure in herself and her body without having to seek validation from outside sources.

Anna Bell Peaks
One Daughter, Age 14
@AnnaBellPeaksxx

I've only been in the adult industry for a year and half. I worked my entire life as a certified public accountant and now some of the same the same people in my Midwest community that used to look at me as a professional businesswoman now look at me like, "What the hell are you doing?" But it doesn't change the way that I parent. I just really love sex. There's a fun factor to what I do now; the stress is lower and it's really good money.

As for advice, it's totally different to have a high-schooler than to have a four-year-old. She already knows what I do. I knew I had to tell her because every high school boy goes on the internet and sure enough within her first month in high school everyone in the city knew her mom was a porn star. We told her before other people found out. It's always good to be proactive and let your children know from you before someone else tells them—that is a bad way for them to find out. We just explained to her that it's legal, that mommy is good at it, and I make a good living from it. We told her when she turns 18 she can do whatever she wants. She can be a CPA, a doctor, a stripper. It doesn't really matter as long as you're happy in what you do. I honestly believe that.

Lily Lane
Daughter, age 5
@LilyxLane

Being a mom in the porn industry is pretty much like any other job: My daughter goes to school and I go to work. There are a few pros and cons though. One con would be that I don't want other parents to judge my child because of what I do. Going to school meet-ups and birthday parties is kind of hard and awkward I guess. When you meet a new parent they always ask what kind of work you do, so I always seem to have to lie. It's more of a way to protect my child than anything. Also, not being able to participate in her school's "occupations day" was kind of a bummer because she wanted me there.

I will say being a mom has turned me into a giant pussy! I used to be this tough, hardcore, no-fucks-given chick, and now I'm a total crybaby! Damn hormones! I think she's taught me that there's more to life than just working every day and making money. You have to enjoy every minute of your life. She's growing so fast and I don't want to miss any of it! But if I could pass on one piece of parenting advice on to other mothers it would be that you can't be super mom! You're going to sometimes miss school events, birthday parties, etc. It's OK to break down and cry sometimes. Parenting is hard! I've learned that you can't always give in! You have to say no sometimes! At the end of the day, as long as you provide a loving, safe environment for your child that's all that matters.

Teagan Presley
Two Daughters, ages Eight and Ten
@MsTeagan

My experience has been blissful up until the present. My daughters are officially old enough to be cognitive of what mommy actually does for work. Luckily for me I have many tattoos and have been lucky enough to grace mainstream magazines such as Inked, so it makes it easier to explain that I'm a model and I get paid like the celebrities in our local town of Las Vegas to host parties around the United States. One downside is that they're rapidly approaching entrance into the tween age group, and they will soon be on the internet with more chances for them or their friends to stumble upon what mommy actually does, or previously did, for a living.

Another crucial downside is that due to my distinguishing tattoos, all of the parents who've ever watched porn in the last 13 years has probably recognized me. For me, it doesn't matter, but it matters when it comes to my children. My kids will be the only ones not invited to the birthday parties in their class. My children end up being collateral damage because I must subconsciously portray an evil sexual deviant in the minds of the fellow parents. (Yet in their own personal time, they'll let me help them get across their own sexual finish lines with no qualms.)

The most important lesson as a mom I've learned is to have the utmost compassion and nonjudgmental attitude towards people's lives, their childrearing techniques, and the choices that shape their children. We all think we know what's the correct way to raise children and try to push our beliefs and opinions onto each other, which can tend to alienate and ostracize fellow mothers. We may all have a difference of opinion, but there shouldn't be any less of a hidden sisterhood of mothers to support one another and hand each other that proverbial glass of wine at the end of a tough day, especially in regards to what they do to support their children and give them such a wonderful life.

Bonnie Rotten
Daughter, age Four months
@TheBonnieRotten

I actually don't perform in scenes anymore. I stopped when me and my husband met back in February 2015. We got really serious and decided we wanted to have a baby together, and that's when I decided not to perform in the industry anymore. I understand that a lot of girls can do it and it's a great way to make a lot of money quickly for your family, but for me it just wasn't something I could be comfortable doing and then coming back home with a child.

It is going to be difficult for [my daughter] when kids find out about my past career, but society is becoming more sex-conscious and I don't think there will be as much of a stigma attached to it as there used to be. But I definitely plan on having that talk with her before somebody else lets her know.

In terms of advice, I would say the most important lesson I've learned so far is patience. I had zero patience before, but when when I got pregnant a switch went off in my head. I can't get mad at her and I can't really blame her; she's a little baby and she doesn't know any better. I'd say that's the most important trait for any mom.

Brandy Aniston
Son, Age 11
@BrandyAniston

For me mom-life and work-life are two separate things. I don't perform much anymore, and I focus more on my Vivid Radio show. Plus, I don't bring him to industry parties or anything like that. I suppose that would be a big tip for moms: don't bring your kids to adult industry parties.

I am not as free as some people about bringing my son into an environment where there's nakedness. That might sound funny coming from a porn star mom, but I'm pretty protective. I'm not walking around the house nude. Mom has tattoos and pierced nipples and he's 11 years old; I don't think it's super appropriate. I understand it with moms and daughters, but a mom with a son is different.

He does know I have a second name and that I'm a nude model. He's not fully aware of all that has gone on because I don't think he's ready for that yet. He's a bookworm and I'm trying to keep him as far away from [my career] as possible right now, but I've has some feelings that he kind of knows something. One day we got in my car, he put his arm around me and said, "Mom, no matter what it is you've ever done I'm still going to love you just the same."

If I could share any advice with other moms, it's to be affectionate. I see so many parents that aren't affectionate to their kids and that drives me crazy. I hug and kiss my son, and even try to pick him up. I'll do that until he's 20 if I could. And to girls in the industry with young kids, just remember the scenes are on the internet forever. But if you can get your child to accept sexuality, like we have, I think the world would be a better place.

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