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Is DJ Jon Gosselin the New Paris Hilton?

When life hands you lemons, you learn how to use Ableton!

by VICE Thump
Jan 24 2015, 12:05am

At least he's already nailed the hands-in-air pose.

Life is tough when you're the father to eight giant squirming worms-excuse me, "children." Life is even tougher when that career as an F-list celebrity shockingly runs out of fumes, you get a divorce from your power-wife, and you're left scraping the change jar for child support. What to do? What every washed up reality TV star before you has done: become a DJ, of course.

You might know Jon Gosselin as the leading chump of Jon & Kate Plus 8, a reality TV show that chronicled the dramatic diaper changes and spaghetti dinners of a ten-person family. (It was just as exciting as it sounds.) After Gosselin divorced his wife Kate in 2009, the show went on as Kate Plus 8. Cut off from his cash cow, Gosselin spent the next five years doing odd jobs, including waiting tables and installing solar panels. He told Oprah he lived in the woods. Finally, as a last resort, he has apparently turned to DJing. Because when life hands you lemons, you learn how to use Ableton!


Photo courtesy of People/Jon Gosselin

Gosselin may have just gotten started, but he's already learned the number one rule of being a DJ: never admit to pre-recorded sets. "If you're going to do a playlist you might as well have a jukebox," he told People, doing his best Seth Troxler impression. "I play to the crowd."

"[The fame] is not going away, so I figure I'm just going to take advantage of it," he added, making note that he has a strict no-wedding policy because "the brides get pissed" when guests take pictures of him. I'm sure brides all over the world are endlessly grateful for this gracious move.

Even though Gosselin is a father to many, it appears he is a DJ to few. While other reality-TV- stars-turned-DJs Pauly D and Paris Hilton have booked gigs in Ibiza, Atlantic City, and Las Vegas, Gosselin has been stuck with middle school dances and the Philadelphia bro bar circuit. It seems unlikely that he'll ever reach the level of his foam and diamonds-covered brethren... for now, at least.

Still, he can't stop gushing about his newfound calling. "I love it," he said, "The hours are great. I get to go out, have a good time with all my friends, play the music I like to hear and have the day to myself."

Omigod, what's next? Jon and Kate Plus 808s?!

Michelle Lhooq is the new Jon Gosselin on Twitter.