Disturbing news out of Pittsburgh, as self-reported by senior editor Andrew McCutchen and The Players' Tribune. While completing a silly "fill in the blank" form for the site, McCutchen provided a troubling response to a routine question. McCutchen… I can't believe this is even a real thing that I read, filled in the blank following "my perfect sandwich would be…" with… I can't even write it out, I'm just going to screencap it because it's making me physically ill.
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What. The. Fuck. Is. This. Andrew, you had a perfectly good sandwich going there and then, I dunno man, then you spit all over the face of good sense and basic human dignity. Strawberry Jam on an egg sandwich. Why don't you just go ahead and put chocolate icing on a steak. Barbecue sauce on a salad. Fire on an American flag.Strawberry jam is delicious—I've made my own, or anyway I've helped my mom (shut up)—but there are rules we must live by, one of which is you don't put strawberry jam on a damn egg sandwich. You know what I've heard approximately seven million times in my life? Yeah, howya doing? Can I get a bacon, egg, and cheese? The response is usually something like you got it or, salt, pepper, ketchup? The reasonable response to which is: not necessary, my friend, there is more than enough flavor provided in the three original ingredients. Do you know what I've never heard? Yeah hi, I'm a fucking psychopath and I would like a bacon, egg, and cheese with strawberry jam on it. The response to that would likely be a pointed look at the exit.I'm sorry, Andrew, but there is just no place in baseball for a dangerous lunatic like you. Please hand in your batting gloves and stirrups and really take some time to reevaluate where you are and how you got there.h/t @craigcalcaterra