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FUCK YOU, SLAYER

by Alex
Jan 12 2010, 12:30pm
If there's one thing I hate, it's shitty graffiti (well actually, there isn't just one thing, there are loads of things, but that is one of them). Last night some idiot went round bombing "SLAYER" all over shops, pubs, offices and, most dramatically, bins near our offices in Old Street. You've got to hope that the guy who did it isn't over 16, because if they're some 20-something Hoxton-metal dude, it's tragic. The local shop owners are getting in a right tizz about it, and have been scrubbing their walls all morning. Vice: How do you feel about Slayer now? Smoking man: It's pretty disgraceful. We have a respectable set of offices all up this road, and some idiot has gone across and completely vandalized the whole street. I'm very upset. They wrote "SLAYER FUCK YOU" as well. That must have burned. Yeah. Abusive language, huh? There are kids here! There's a school nearby, it's horrible. Fuck you, Slayer. Vice: When did you find it? Lovely shop woman: I found it this morning. Did you have to clean it up? Yeah. How long did that take? About half an hour. It is not very nice. I have some wipes if you want some. Maybe. Do you like Slayer as a band? I don't know. Do they? It says, "Fuck you, Slayer". Maybe it's from Slayer, like, "Fuck you, love from Slayer," or maybe you're right and it's someone who doesn't like Slayer, like, "Fuck you, Slayer, you bastards!" I don't know. First I thought, "Why would they do this?" Then I thought, "Oh my God, I need to get this window replaced now," but it came off. Vice: How come you guys are here? Graffiti cleaner: We clean graffiti anyway. When did you find out about this? Just found out about it on this street. But this Slayer geezer has been everywhere. We've done ten streets so far just like this. All done last night? Yeah. We were round here yesterday and it was all clean. This has all gone up over night. And you have to clean it all yourself? Yeah. What would you do if you found the one who did it? Give him a slap. Do you think it's Slayer the band? I'm going to have a look in that art gallery there, Pure Evil. It's probably him advertizing. If you get the odd bit of graffiti it's probably some idiot with a can; if it's like this with it all around everywhere, it's him advertizing his latest thing. Well that seems like a slight rush to judgement but good luck nevertheless. Bye! Basically, anyone who writes "Slayer" is an idiot, unless they did this: Or this: RHYS JAMES