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Most Boston Dudes Ever Hold Red Sox Banner for Ransom

Two guys found an AL East championship banner on the side of the road they believe is intended to hang in Fenway Park. They want the Red Sox to pony up some playoff tickets in exchange for its safe return.

by Sean Newell
Sep 19 2018, 7:31pm

Unrelated photo of Fenway Pahk via Dominick Reuter/EPA

The Boston Red Sox (pretty much) have the AL East sewn up. With a 10.5 game lead over the Yankees and 11 games left to play, it's hard to blame the team for commissioning a banner at this point, Bucky Fucking Dent, notwithstanding. But it seems fate has intervened and separated the banner from its rightful owners and the banner found itself in the hands of the most likely of creatures: Fackin Sawx fans.

(Volume all the way up, please.)

You just watched nearly two full minutes without a single "R" being pronounced at the end of word. It is absolutely amazing. It is like if someone told Matt Damon to do an impression of his own Boston accent from Good Will Hunting, but said "really play it up."

Louie and his unnamed cohaht found the championship banner on the side of a highway and scooped it up, after running across "multiple lanes" of traffic, and are now protecting it like it was born in a manger between farm animals. They have been led to believe that it is the banner Boston intends to hang up in Fenway Park.

The two are enterprising souls, however, and are looking for a little "reciprocation," in the form of tickets to a nice playoff game. You can almost hear Louie go one further, perhaps asking for World Series tickets, but it seems doing so while holding a banner for a (division) championship that has not been won was a fate he was not yet prepared to tempt.

My boys ah wicked smaht.