Illustrations by Brandon Celi for VICE.

We Asked People to Describe the Drunkest They Ever Got in Six Words

"Tried to fight a fire hydrant."

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Jun 15 2017, 3:30pm

Illustrations by Brandon Celi for VICE.

If you've ever woken up from a night of drinking with a dry mouth, a pounding headache, and no clue where you've been and who you've texted, we feel your pain. We asked friends and co-workers to recall the drunkest they've ever been in six words. Here's what they said:

"I sexted my dad by accident." - Paul, 32

"Awoke naked. Never drank Port again." - Peter, 22

"Lit Bible on fire on Christmas." - Alex, 26

"Barfed in backpack, got through security." - Lauren, 25

"Bought my dad a lap dance." - Drew, 21

"Friend inside Osaka brothel. Gutter nap." - Mike, 31

"Tried to fight a fire hydrant." - Andy, 31

"Left half hoagie between couch cushions." - Jonathan, 44

"Threw my phone in a puddle." - Jesse, 28

"Peed on a cop's car. Cried." - Joey, 34

"Threw a pizza at a car." - Emily, 24

"Projectile shat onto random girl's rug." - Luis, 30

"Tequila rebound sex. Screamed ex's name." - Lauren, 25

"Friend cut my hair off drunk." - Adrian, 32

"Considered emergency room for the hangover." - Ray, 31

"Peed and puked simultaneously on lawn." - Ariel, 27

"Fell off bunk bed naked, farted." - Alex, 38

"Projectile vomit. Slept outside Ohio motel." - Nick, 39

Illustration by Brandon Celi.

"Slept in a functioning refrigerator. Hours." - Steve, 29

"Played Batman Forever soundtrack on repeat." - Jaime, 32

"Pissed in a shoe closet. Twice." - Bim, 35

"Puked on my phone, breaking it." - Laura, 34

"Married someone I had just met." - Samantha, 26

"Licked girl's leg on dance floor." - Marco, 38

"Friends photographed me puking into bathtub." - Deena, 34

"Poop turned horrifying shade of green." - Teri, 32

"Slow danced to Metallica with cat." - Julie, 39

"Yakked off a balcony, killed plants." - Mike, 36

"Melted a fingernail stubbing out cigarette." - Ann, 58

"Spilled candle wax on my laptop." - Sonal, 34

"Fucked a popular Jackass cast member." - Jen, 32

"Fell through a glass coffee table." - Jack, 29

"Shaved off my eyebrows. It sucked." - Leslie, 32

"Crashed golf cart. Broke my arm." - Todd, 25

"Barfed into curtain while dancing onstage." - Liz, 32

"Called ex. Sobbed about dying alone." - Pete, 38

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