A few years ago, McDonald’s had a commercial starring a sleepy-eyed twentysomething who stopped every attempt at communication with a raised hand and a terse “Don’t even talk to me until I’ve had my coffee.” Lizabeth Ildefonso took a similar approach to on Friday morning, refusing to speak with anyone until she got her bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich, even when the person she was talking to said, “Lady, you’re at the Riverhead Correctional Facility.”
According to the Suffolk County Sheriff’s Office, at a little after 10 AM on Friday, Ildefonso drove up to the security office at the Riverhead Correctional Facility on the north shore of Long Island, New York; she then rolled down her window and asked for a bacon, egg, and cheese breakfast sandwich. Deputy Sheriff Yvonne DeCaro told her that she was actually outside a jail, but Ildefonso was reportedly undeterred. “The driver insisted that she really wanted a sandwich,” the Sheriff’s Office said in a statement. (“So you’re saying they stop serving breakfast at 10 AM,” one commenter wrote).
DeCaro noticed that, in addition to mistaking a medium-to-maximum security facility for a McDonald’s, Ildefonso also had dilated pupils, glassy eyes, and a “white powder residue in her left nostril.” DeCaro asked her to step out of her vehicle for a field sobriety test and—spoiler alert—she did poorly. In addition to all of that, Ildefonso didn’t have a valid driver’s license, either. She was promptly arrested and charged with felony Driving While Ability Impaired by Drugs and driving without a license, which means that she’s probably still waiting for her breakfast sandwich.
“Deputy Sheriff Decaro, had only recently attended Advanced Roadside Impaired Driving Enforcement (ARIDE) training earlier in the week,” the Sheriff’s Department said. “This training teaches law enforcement officers to observe, identify and articulate the signs of impairment related to drugs, alcohol, or a combination of both. It apparently was put to good use today although the surrounding circumstances were a little unexpected.”
Although it’s hard to get it confused with a fast food restaurant, the Riverhead jail might look familiar to Netflix subscribers, since Orange is the New Black has filmed in and around the facility. But according to the New Yorker, it’s pretty much the last place you’d want to eat. Inmates at Riverhead have filed more than 90 complaints about the undrinkable water, near-constant plumbing problems, and overall unsanitary conditions. In 2012, the New York Civil Liberties Union (NYCLU) filed a class-action lawsuit on behalf of the inmates who “are forced to live with overflowing sewage and amid black mold, rust, and rodent infestations.” (The lawsuit is still pending in court).
So yeah, going forward, it’s best to make sure that the person taking your breakfast order isn’t wearing a sheriff’s badge. That seems doable, even before your coffee.