I forgot to get coffee on the way to work this morning. I don't know why. It's just one of those things that happen when the humidity in New York City is so oppressive that you can't really think about anything except the fact that you're wearing black jeans for some godforsaken reason that has to do with some dumb book you read about 90s era punk music. As a true millennial, I walked while staring at my phone, sweat dripping on the screen, and Lil Pump's most recent Instagram post popped into my beautiful feed. And folks, holy fucking shit, not to get all old internet slang on you, but this video is BETTER THAN COFFEE, am I right???
First, Mr. Pump is getting a face tattoo of a sad smiley face in the middle of his forehead. The sad smiley face has X's for eyes, so it's also a dead smiley face. Nihilism, I like it.
Then, he sits up, and you'll notice that there's a fire extinguisher in the background. Take note of this. The fire extinguisher will become important at a later time.
Next, we have Mr. Pump jumping up from the table to do a dance in which he imitates a butterfly. Why is he imitating a butterfly? Why aren't you?
Also, please take note of the television. Again, this is something that will become important at a later time.
I'd also like to take this opportunity to enhance the image and highlight his chain in blurry fashion, a chain that apparently cost $360,000. (This man is like 18.)
So now, back to the fire extinguisher, remember that? Now it's in Mr. Pump's hands.
And now he's spinning with it, and, yup, we're coming back to the television, which he fuckin' smashes.
Is this a hotel room? It doesn't matter.
Mr. Pump then grabs the fire extinguisher.
And now he's back on the table, this time standing, putting out imaginary fires. A true hero.
This is all to say, Harverd Dropout is going to be legendary.
Eric Sundermann is a lot older than Lil Pump. Follow him on Twitter.