Are you in a band and want me to know about it? Have I shit upon your band at one time or another, or look as though I am thinking about shitting on it in the near future? Well then meet up with me at SXSW, and we will fight with our arms.
You know what I wish? I wish that there was a place I could go to socialize with internet friends and people who want something from me for a whole week, while struggling for enough breathing room to listen to a band who will be playing where I live in anywhere between a week, to three weeks' time. Thank God for SXSW!
Yes, it's real. Tomorrow morning I will be boarding a plane for Austin to once again experience the culturally rich experience of SXSW. If you're reading those all-capped letters in your mind and wondering, I wonder if she says it in full, like, "South by Southwest," or if she's cool and casual about it all and just says it like, "South By." I have to be honest in revealing to you that I say it in full because every time I hear someone say "South By," I want to shove my own vomit up inside of my own butt. Why? Because when someone says it like that they sound like an asshole.
Last year at South by Southwest, I did these fun and whimisical two-second interviews with some of the hottest bands:
This year I will be doing the same thing in that our time together will be very short, but instead of asking you anything about your band really, I'll just be asking you to borrow money, getting violently drunk, and then challenging you to an arm-wrestling situation. So basically if you are in a band and feel like you're not getting enough attention, or if I have in some way previously shit on your band, of if you want to beat me up just because, or maybe you just want to touch my skin in some way, email me at email@example.com (goes straight to my phone, because I'm a grown-ass lady), and we will meet up and fight like a couple of weirdos. As we wrestle arms, I'll ask you about your shirt, what sort of hair products you use, and what your favorite episode of The Cosby Show is. I am a real journalist, and you can trust that this will be the best possible experience for you and will yield the best possible results.
I love you.