That Time the Kid Mero's Friend Took Too Much Xanax on New Year's Eve

The VICELAND host recalls ringing in the new year with the one guy he was trying to avoid.

by VICE Staff
Jun 30 2017, 6:00pm

On Thursday, VICELAND aired a new episode of PARTY LEGENDS—a show that collects celebrities' unforgettable party stories and animates them with the help of gifted young artists. This week we heard some wild stories from the ATL Twins, Prince Markie Dee, Chilli from TLC, and VICELAND's own Kid Mero.

We've recapped our favorite parts of Mero's story—where the VICELAND host detailed a particularly stressful New Years Eve—for your viewing pleasure in GIFs below.

"Yo, what's up? This is Kid Mero, the Human Do-Rag Flap, the Dominican Don Dada. My whole shit started on New Year's Eve. I was trying to avoid a friend of mine—you know you always have that friend in your crew who's always doing too much? I'm trying to avoid this guy named Mase on the way to my actual destination, which is my girl's apartment."

"I hit a bodega to get some material, and my man who I was trying to avoid is at the bodega. So I see him, and he's like 'Yo, what you go going on tonight, bro?' I was like, 'Yo, I'm about to go meet up with this girl. You know what I'm saying? Like, just chill shit.'"

"And he's like, 'Yo, everybody's curbing my calls. Nobody wants to hang out with me.'"

"This is fucked up. It's New Year's Eve. I was like, 'All right, bro. You can come hang out with me. This girl's cool. I think she has a roommate. Maybe she'll like you or whatever.'"

"I would like to preface this by saying that this dude Mase turns into the Green Goblin whenever he ingests Xanax bars. So I told him—very explicitly—'Yo, I'll chill with you tonight, my guy. We can do whatever you want. Just no Xanax.' He's like, 'Yo, no doubt, my nigga. I got you.'"

"We get in the car, and what is in this guy's cup holder but a giant, unlabeled bottle of fucking Xanax bars, which he immediately starts to throw down his gullet."

"This guy drives wild erratically to this girl's apartment and parks all funny on the street. We get upstairs, and I already see that the drugs are taking their hold on him. We walk into the apartment, and immediately my homegirl's roommate looks at him and I could tell that she's saying, like, Yo, this dude, like, yo, good looking. You know, whatever."

"Over the course of the night, this dude just keeps getting more and more aggressive and gangster, while the girls are getting more and more, like, sexually aggressive."

"We leave the party, along with a couple of other party denizens and get into an elevator. There's a very popular game in the hood that we play called 'corners' where if you get into an elevator, everybody gets into a corner. If there's no corner, you stand in the middle, and people just punch you until you get to your destination. We get into the elevator and the Xanax magician yells, 'corners!'"

"My hood instinct is to immediately hit a corner, my homegirl moved to hit a corner, the other dudes in the elevator knew to hit a corner, but Mase's girl did not know to hit a corner."

"And therefore, got punched in the chest with the force of 16 hurricanes by Mase himself."

"Now I know what Steph Curry felt like, because my man blew a 3-1 lead in the finals. That girl was all ready to go. And he decided, instead, to punch her right in the mammary gland and fuck up his whole night."

"This ended up working out for me, because we left the party, and my man just disappeared into a Xanax mist. So we went and got the $5 snack box and the Kid Mero went back to the apartment and got a double blow job.

Ladies and gentlemen, Happy New Year."

You can catch PARTY LEGENDS Thursdays at 10:00 PM on VICELAND. Find out how to watch here.