Tech by VICE

How Little Caesar’s Teaches Us 2 Reject Technology

Little Caesar's is the future [via ‘going off the grid’].

Mar 27 2015, 6:55pm

Purchasing crap online feels 'fulfilling' 2 ppl who don't want to leave the house because they are obsessed with constructing their identities/reality from loading more pages on the internet & consuming cloud-stored content. We turn 2 the mobile smart phone in order to 'live smartly' [via hyper-convenient actions that are enabled by an app /mobile friendly website].

The false feeling of being 'more in control' [via user-interface] of purchasing goods and services has become an over-valued byproduct of the proliferation of technology. Technology isn't THAT convenient. You are still paying for goods and services but the 'medium' feels buzzworthy and exciting.

In low-end market pizza chain Little Caesar's recent commercial, the brand has distanced itself from technology, app-based ordering, and challenged influence-able consumers to re-think what 'convenience really means.' In it, some tech bro is giving a keynote-wave speech where he hypes up the fact that all you have to do to get a Little Caesar's Pizza is show up at the store with $5. It seems 'very convenient' and 'revolutionary' in contrast to the latest wave of online pizza ordering systems in place.

Ur telling me that I can just show up and a hot pizza will be ready?
Why do u even want more than a Hot, Ready pepperoni pizza?
Why do u want crust toppers? [via pretzel/bacon/sriracha_buzz crust]
Why do u want 2 customize everything abt ur order?
Why do u need the illusion of controlling the process [via Domino's pizza tracker]?

Why do the user experience of ordering pizza need to be more fulfilling than the end product of enjoying a piece of bread covered in cheese with marinara/buffalo/alfredo sauce?
Why do u need to submit your email address, physical address, credit card information, and download an app that has access to your location?
What is the minimum amount of information that you need 2 create an enforceable contract that ensures your goods and services will be delivered?
Why do we give our email addy just to allow them to email us everyday with 'special coupons' for 'today only' [via forever]?

The price of pizza quickly adds up when you have to pay for technological development 2 make it 'easier' 2 order, track the 'slow' delivery guy, and hire 'online marketing teams' to use the data they stored to #remarket 2 me every day.

What would u give up 4 something that is both hot… and ready…?

Technology allows you to feel like an empowered consumer, creating a way to feel 'in control' of the annoying parts of buying crap: being 'completely' understood while placing your order, waiting in line(s) with people who make the product feel unspecial and oppressive, and waiting for your goods/services 2 be completed/delivered. Additionally, you can usually leave 'feedback' that is received by the brand/social media manager completing the cycle of fulfillment for a generically empowered consumer.

This act of consumption has been turned into a buzz producing cycle for scaling brands online. You 'cream your pants' over Amazon Prime allowing 'free expedited shipping' if you pay for it with an escalating annual fee that surprises you once a year. You marvel at Uber's obviousness every time you get a lyft. You rave about the 'chillness' of your AirBNB as opposed to paying for a hotel in a buzzworthy region of a town. You can't help but [HIGHLY RECOMMEND] the 'box of high-end goods' that arrives at your door every month.

I sorta just wanna go somewhere and buy a $5 pizza in cash. I will eat it alone in my room and no one will ever know how happy it made me. It's a shame Little Caesar's will nvr appeal 2 internetty ppl who like to tout how 'streamlined' and 'convenient' their lives' are. It might be more for paranoid Silk Road drug orderers who just want a low-key soylent-wave gruel that keeps them alive for another day.

Or 'regular ppl' who just want a cheap, large-portioned meal that is located just around the corner [via suburban drivers]

There is nothing sexi about Little Caesar's Pizza that will 'trend' or be 'hashtagged' by thoughtfluencers.. Their stores are located in dated strip malls surrounded by businesses that will eventually fail as suburbia moves yonder. Some of them have drive thrus that ony further illustrate the pre-made products. They are staffed by employees with limited social skills bc pineapple is the most complex topping. There are no neopolitan ovens requiring a 900 degree temperature. There is no innovation at Little Caesar's. It's just some place where people who don't order pizzas [via phone or internet] go in order to walk out with a pre-made pizza.

The only influencer who will recommend Little Caesar's is an on-the-go mom looking to feed a hungry soccer team [via organically influencing a tribe].

By utilizing an online retailer or product delivery-service based in the cloud, you become an evangelist for technological dependence. Usually, you claim that your life has been made 'more convenient' because you were able to 'get what you wanted' with only a few swipes and presses of a touch screen. U have joined a 'club' that allows you to 'indulge' in 'convenience.

Why does every online-based service provider have to be 'so edgy'? Why can't something inside me support frumpy middle aged men (wearing Little Caesar's football jerseys) who are proud owners of successful Little Caesar's Franchises?

Do u know where I can 'buy' a local Uber franchise?
Or did Silicon Valley-wave companies make middlemen who manage local flagships 'obsolete'?

While there is nothing wrong with an economy responding to the needs of consumers, why do we become evangelists for brands that aim to make the line between technology and convenience indecipherable?

Maybe it's just time 2 go off the grid.
Stop helping these 'out-of-town cloud_based companies' 2 scale.
Make my own life convenient [via farming and buying cheap ass pizza]

Live a fulfilling life where Hot & Ready goods & services surround me.
Scaling companies have 'destroyed' communities
by turning local employees in2 faceless servants
minimizing the 'human element'
as the representation of a brand.

I want 2 retreat from the genre of humans online who shame low-end products that don't meet the needs of tech dependent prosumers & the pseudo-affluent. There is a class of society without access to a $700 devices that exposes them 2 Yelp reviews, trendpieces, and thoughtfluencer circles.

What if I told u that the world was full of Hot-N-Ready goods & services that were not recapped on Yelp?

I sorta just want to vibe on some carbs that spike my insulin and make me feel happy for a very temporary moment without having to do an #unboxing with an HD GoPro on my head. I want to connect with a community member who 'shares a slice' with me. Maybe it is just more authentic to order a $12 pizza from a 'local joint' that doesn't have the resources to build an online ordering system?

Why do I have to be a part of the technological revolution?
Why does my pizza need 2 be revolutionized?
Why is my consumer identity now paranoid and unwilling 2 share data?
Do I really have 2 give my email address even though it isn't required to create a legally binding contract [via online order]?

Little Caesar's is the future [via 'going off the grid']. A regular ass brick and mortar store where you can't order online. There is no confusing app that visualizes toppings on pizzas. To order, it requires you to trust in a human who is a member of your community. There is no need 2 #rebrand your ultimately generic product/technological_development with an over the top keynote speech.

Pizza is all around us
Find your local pizzeria
Even if it is some mediocre $5 pie [via Little Caesar's]
You will feel safe
You didn't pay some1 in money AND
trust them 2 safely store your personal consumer data