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Please Don't Glue Your Labia Shut

A gynecologist has a few thoughts on that menstruation glue that’s going around.

by Samantha Cole
Feb 22 2017, 7:50pm

Dr. Jennifer Gunter, an OB/GYN who previously had to tell you people that sticking jade eggs up your vagina is an unwise move, continues her good work with a thorough takedown of why glue doesn't belong anywhere near your genitals.

Her latest blog post, helpfully titled "Gluing your labia shut during your period is a bad idea," contains scientifically-backed burn after burn on a man who thinks he's developed the solution to women's menstrual woes. It's advice you should only have to give a body-curious kindergartener, not grown men who've at least taken a few college level science classes.

Wichita-based chiropractor Daniel Dopps' created Mensez, a product named for a pun on "menses" but definitely also a good pun for "men says." It's a combination of amino acids and natural oils in a lipstick applicator, according to his product website. He claims that it seals one's labia minora shut, trapping all of that icky lady business inside, and dissolves when it comes in contact with urine.

Yeah, this sounds like a joke, but it's real enough for Dopps to have filed a patent for his miracle product in January. "Our products are still in development and will be available some time in 2017," Mensez Technologies' website states. "Check with your favorite retailer and ask them watch for and stock Mensez." We've reached out to Dopps to confirm these plans and will update if he responds.

Dopps wrote on the now-deactivated Mensez Facebook page, according to Forbes: "[Y]ou as a woman should have come up with a better solution than diapers and plugs, but you didn't. Reason being women are focused on and distracted by your period 25% of the time, making them far less productive than they could be. Women tend to be far more creative than men, but their periods that [sic] stifle them and play with their heads."

Alright, time to get 'em, Dr. Gunter:

"This is stupid for so many reasons it hurts my brain," she writes. A few of the most obvious reasons, which she outlines, include abrasions of the labia minora from peeling those sensitive tissues apart and gluing 'em back together several times a day, which could cause the labia minora growing together and needing surgical separation; the fact that not everyone has labia long enough to make it stick in the first place; serious pain if you sit sideways on your glued-up genitalia; and the simple fact that a complete blood seal which dissolves under contact with urine is highly unlikely. "Perhaps he has never seen labia up close?" It's very possible he doesn't know where women pee from.

Twitter users are, of course, bold enough to get all "well, actually" with her about this very obvious observation:

She ends with an invitation for Dopps to record a video of himself testing Mensez on his own lips. "How he gets the urine up there is, of course, his business."