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NFL Preseason Cliff Notes: Everything You Need to Know

If you didn't pay any attention at all to the NFL preseason (hey, we get it), here's what you absolutely need to know before the regular season begins.
Photo by Brace Hemmelgarn-USA TODAY Sports

You were busy.

You were on vacation, coming back from vacation, swamped with work. You were doing back-to-school shopping, maybe, or actually taking your kids to school since you got them into the year-round building. You were doing too much housework, taking advantage of those nice little Home Depot Saturdays.

You missed the NFL preseason.

You really meant to watch your team's third game—really, you did—but it was on a Thursday night at 7:30 and you had a work thing and you didn't know what channel it was on so you couldn't DVR it. You had your fantasy draft and you're pretty sure you picked at least three guys who were hurt, cut, or listed on a different team than you thought they played for.

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Read More: Erin Henderson Continues the NFL's Best Comeback Story

No sweat: VICE Sports has you covered with an all-killer, no-filler study guide to everything that meant anything this preseason.

Fording Over Troubled Bridgewaters

Vikings quarterback Teddy Bridgewater, widely tipped to take a big step forward in his third season, suffered a severe knee dislocation. The injury was gruesome enough to immediately end his season, and forced a 911 call that brought paramedics rushing to the scene.

While theoretically they're confident in backup Shaun Hill, the Vikings are trying not only to repeat as NFC North champions but to make a serious push toward the Super Bowl. To that end, they traded a first-round pick and a conditional fourth-round pick to the Philadelphia Eagles for starting quarterback Sam Bradford. Bradford, with two years left on his deal, will be a credible starter as soon as he's up to speed—and for as long as it takes for Bridgewater to heal.

Mysteriously, Eagles head coach Doug Pederson then promoted No. 2 overall pick Carson Wentz from a likely-to-be-inactive third-stringer to the Week 1 starter. The Eagles were difficult to project before all this; Wentz adds even more uncertainty to a wide-open NFC East race. Speaking of which…

Yakity Dak. Photo by Kirby Lee-USA TODAY Sports

Dak to the Future

Dak Prescott blew everyone away with his precocious preseason performances. He completed an astounding 39-of-50 passes for 454 yards, five touchdowns, no interceptions, and an almost flawless 137.8 passer efficiency rating.

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Though Cowboys fans are ready to start stuffing the Pro Bowl ballot box with the name of their fourth-rounder as soon as said box opens, it'll be much harder when defenses are scouting Prescott's film and game-planning to frustrate him.

They'll get the chance to do that, sadly, because starter Tony Romo suffered his fourth neck or back injury in the last four years. Though the timetable appears to be set for a late-season return, Prescott will be given many games to prove his preseason performance isn't a fluke. Late signee Mark Sanchez will serve as the emergency fallback if Prescott pratfalls.

That's "S-I-E," Man. No Wait, -Mian.

Sanchez was supposed to be the bridge starter in Denver while first-round rookie Paxton Lynch got up to speed. Instead, Sanchez's poor training camp and a turnover-laden preseason led the Broncos to cut him and roll with Trevor Siemian instead.

Who?

Trevor Siemian, a second-year seventh-round pick out of Northwestern, worked out for the Broncos with a torn ACL and played only one snap last year—a kneel-down. That's who the Super Bowl champions Denver Broncos have tabbed to replace Peyton Manning at quarterback.

Then again, Manning and Brock Osweiler combined for a miserable 76.3 team passer rating last year, second worst in the NFL. All Siemian has to do is clear that extremely low bar to keep the Broncos in the thick of the AFC title race.

When you are ready for some football. Photo by Jake Roth-USA TODAY Sports

La Bosa Nostra

In a throwback to the bad old days of lengthy rookie holdouts, the San Diego Chargers played hardball with No. 3 overall pick Joey Bosa—and also waged a petty media-leak war that made both sides look bad.

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Apparently the Chargers didn't realize they would be dealing with a family that is savvy to the ways of NFL contract: Bosa's father and uncle were both first-round picks themselves. Bosa was supposed to be the centerpiece of the Chargers defense and the new face of a franchise that has a crucial referendum going before the city of San Diego in just a few months. He finally signed on August 29th, but not before the team waged a PR war that was as incomprehensible as it was indefensible.

Rookie Corner…stones?

Cornerback is one of the very few NFL positions where the learning curve is still steep. Just ask can't miss height-weight-speed prospects like Justin Gilbert and Trae Waynes about how easy it is to walk into the league and shut down top wideouts.

But Jalen Ramsey and Vernon Hargreaves—who engaged in a friendly war of words during the combine about who was the better prospect—both earned rave reviews for their quick adaptation to the pro game. That's vital for the two Floridian teams—the Jacksonville Jaguars and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, respectively—who need them to step in and star.

Colin Kaepernick

It is inconceivable that anyone reading this column missed Colin Kaepernick's refusal to stand for the playing of "The Star-Spangled Banner" this preseason. However, it's no less inconceivable for an article claiming to tell you everything you needed to know about this preseason not to mention a Super Bowl quarterback taking a well-considered public stand against state-sanctioned racial injustice and police brutality. This storyline doesn't appear to be going away any time soon.

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