I've spoken with folks who know a lot more about soccer than I do, and they assure me that this is, in fact, a goal. So now I can officially say that second-tier sides Newcastle United and Brighton and Hove Albion met up today and produced the drunkest goal these eyes have ever seen. Albion had taken an early lead with a penalty kick, thus making this staggering, three-sheets-to-the-wind bit of pinball wizardry an equalizer.
Let's break this down, Magic Loogie style.
First, Christian Atsu absolutely shanks the volley attempt, taking a big hack at it...
...but only sending it about five feet to his right:
At which point the ball was deflected by a quick, almost accidental touch, but again, not very far:
Whereupon it made its way to Mohamed Diamé, who gave it a final, looping deflection with the back of his heel.
Please look at every single person on the pitch, watching the very moment the goal was scored. Nearly every player's back is to the camera, but the feeling of disbelief is palpable. The only movement is from the keeper and the defender trying in vain to keep the ball out with his head. Everyone else is rooted to the ground, steam coming from their ears as their brains try to keep up with their eyes.
Newcastle scored again eight minutes later to cap off the comeback and held on to win 2-1.