Pockets Dumb Fat

The Game

"If I lose my voice, nigga, I'ma flow online" - Jadakiss

Here I go again, looking to J-A-Double for a little philosophical guidance, but these are fraught times, and these young'uns in the game stand to benefit from some of this highly decorated veteran's guidance. Ask the Anticon massive—internet beef is serious business. But where Jada gets it right is that he'll take to the net only as a last resort. He's not up at three in the morning, typing threats into his G5 (or his T-Mobile Sidekick for that matter). He ain't mad at El-P—it's demographics, son.

But there's an incipient trend on the horizon—gangsters on the internet. And these are no regular Icy Hot Stuntaz (

drivenbyboredom.com/bling.htm

)—these are the real deal. Look at G-Unit comer the Game and Luniz bulldog Yukmouth. They've been trading barbs on wax—particularly cutting were Yuk's digs about Game's high-school appearance on the dating show "Change of Heart," at which point he was sporting a tongue ring—rooted in some archaic beef Yuk has with G-Unit macher 50 Cent. Yuk's also allied himself with the chair-chucking Southside Queensites Bang 'Em Smurf and Domination. Even more bizarre, though, are the message-board taunts.

Yuk comes first, recalling a nightclub encounter between the two: "I said I like yo shit & u used 2 fuck with my nigga JT tha Bigga Figga? He said yeah & then I said u know me & C-Bo got problems with 50 Cent. He said, ‘That's y'all business, I'm not in that, I'm just signed 2 the nigga 2 make some money.' I said, ‘I respect that, get cha paper on!' Then he said, "What's up with Bang Em Smurf & Domination dissin him?' I said, ‘I haven't heard it yet & keep it that way.' I shook his hand again & told him, ‘Do ya thang cuzz we need 2 bring the west back!' that's how it happened…But now I'm hearin shit from his brother saying they gave me a pass & they checked me!…how did he check me when the whole time we talkin he holdin his 2 chains like I'm gonna snatch his shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

The Game, keeping it digital, came back on his message board with the following enlightened position: "Fuck you bitch!!! I guess you betta make that chirp nigga cause I get back in L.A. today and my 1st stop is my house, location: Wilmington & Brazil nigga Compton California!!! Keep talkin bitch & you won't be able to make it out you bed nigga."

Man, this Google Ads rackets is serious. Everybody send postcards to The Game. Or better yet, send him some MacMall gift cards.

Down Texas way, the only fast thing the second-generation sons of Screw are doing is connecting to the World Wide Web. One whole disc of PDF favorite Chamillionaire's recent 3-CD

Mixtape Messiah

is aimed at onetime Swishahouse homie Mike Jones—Chamillionaire dubs him Dyke Jones. But the trill heat was online. "I was impressed that he took all that time 2 hate on me so his cd would sell," Jones wrote. "If he really had beef with me like he is telling yall, he wouldn't have got on radio or mixtapes and announce beef, a real nigga would have came 2 me and we would have handled." And this from a man who makes himself available: Get on his website (whoismikejones.com), grab his phone number, and call him to see for yourself.

Chamillionaire, of course, set to typing an essay-length comeback, ruminating on his bank account, his paid-off cars and trucks, and making $11 per CD: "Real niggaz don't have to act real. Real niggaz do real thangs. They check pussy niggaz when they get outta line. You woulda loved for me to try to talk shit out wit you since I have a problem. But naw I decided to do something better that you wouldn't like…Ruined your credibility."

Some folk do that to themselves, though. And you know who's still trippin', fool? The originators of this 'net shit, that's who. When Buck 65 recently went off on hip-hop in Kerrang (he was prodded and coerced, he swears), none other than Sage Francis, his onetime homie and touring partner, took to the 'net. On the Non Prophets message board, he declaimed simply, "Buck has had his head up his arse for many years now. I'm surprised he's going public with it." And then, the murder ink: "He needs friends who aren't revolving-door girlfriends, that's all." On another message board, Buck apologized for his statements, but the 'net doesn't forget. Google "Buck 65" "Kerrang" "hip-hop" for time eternal, and the smear will remain. It's the new thug life: The Hate U Give Lives (on the) Internet For Ever.

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