The Insane Clown Posse Sued the FBI and Justice Department

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This week, the Insane Clown Posse partnered with the American Civil Liberties Union to sue the FBI and Justice Department for categorizing Juggalos as a “loosely organized hybrid gang.” The ICP believes the designation's unwarranted and has led to continual harassment by law enforcement. For those of you who have been away from the internet for the past decade, Juggalos are the ICP's fans who dress in baggy jeans and clown make-up and head to Cave-in-Rock, Illinois every August to participate in the annual Gathering of the Juggalos, where they ride in helicopters, wrestle, and get made fun of by the roughly 13,000 bloggers who also attend the event. But does this warrant the FBI profiling Juggalos? Probably not.

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Humans shouldn't fear sharks. On the one hand, sharks don't kill that many people. (In 2010, there were only 79 unprovoked attacks worldwide according to the National Geographic Channel.) On the other hand, if you're that scared, stay out of the water. As comedian Ian Edwards put it, there's no such thing as a shark attack. “We live on the land. Sharks live in the water,” he said. “If you get caught down there, you're trespassing.” Yet this week, new research claimed great white sharks can live as long as humans, and this scares the shit out of me. Remember the last time you saw a shrunken, disoriented geriatric behind the wheel of a car? Now, turn the car into a monster that's 20 feet long, over 3,000 pounds, and has, oh yeah, 300 teeth. You can guess why I'm sticking to lakes until my memory puts this factoid in the same misplaced box as my friends' birthdays.

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This week, American Colleen LaRose (better known by her self-chosen name “Jihad Jane”) was convicted of conspiracy to murder Swedish artist Lars Vilks, and sentenced to ten years in jail. (Colleen wanted to kill Lars because he drew Muhammad as a roundabout dog—a big no-no to Islamic fundamentalists.) But maybe the most important thing to take away from this case is from the first section of Colleen's Wikipedia bio: “She had married at age 16 and never finished high school. After a quick divorce, she later married again at age 24, and divorced after a decade. She had moved from Texas in 2004 to live in Pennsburg, near Reading, Pennsylvania. After personal losses and attempting suicide in 2005, she converted to Islam.” Colleen did something terrible, but she also had a rough past. Maybe she needs friendship, understanding, hugs, and bonding over non-alcoholic beers to lighten her up and make her stop conspiring to murder controversial Swedish artists.

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In the BCS National Championship Game, the Florida State Seminoles defeated the Auburn Tigers 34-31, winning their first championship since 1999. The eventual victors were down 21-3 in the first half, but they put together one hell of a comeback under the leadership of Heisman Trophy-winning quarterback Jameis Winston. When he wasn't winning championships this season, Jameis's hobbies included playing baseball and defending himself against a rape allegation. Luckily for him, State Attorney Willie Meggs was too chicken-shit to pursue the case. Unluckily for Jameis, his accuser isn't backing down—she's going forward with a blanket lawsuit against local butt-cakes (a.k.a. Jameis, the school, and the city's police department). Let's hope she gets her day in court before Jameis makes his first million playing football on Sundays.

@RickPaulas