What Your Video Game Console Says About Your Porn Habits

This article originally appeared on VICE UK

If you enjoy watching pornography and playing video games, congratulations: You are most people I know. You're part of a community numbering millions of humans living in the developed world, with regular access to games consoles and an attraction to occasionally, or even regularly, watching small pointy bits of gentlemen disappearing into, and then reappearing from, warm open parts of ladies. And several variations on the theme, sometimes not involving willies or fannies at all, and often with what appears to be a happy conclusion. Sex! It's alright, I suppose.

YouPorn is a video sharing website attracting 20 million views everyday, with almost as many dicks on it as the Google-owned monolith of the web that it so obviously borrows the format of its name from; you know, that one with all the people who play Minecraft for a living on it, the sick freaks. And YouPorn is also a site that people who play video games like to access via their internet-connected home (or even handheld) console, and a site that likes to release data based on that fact to the public once per year. And, last week, it did just that.

2015's statistical breakdown of console access to the site shows that over half of all YouPorn traffic to games machines flows to and from PlayStations—51 percent versus 39 for Xbox and 10 for Wii (I'm assuming, as the official doc doesn't make it totally clear, that these names represent all devices falling under that series umbrella, so for PlayStation read PS3 and PS4 plus the Vita, and for Wii also include the Wii U). Those perusing for particular porn varieties on their PlayStations tend to skew towards, I suppose, older attractions: the most-searched term amongst Sony-owning YouPorn users is "mom," followed immediately by "milf," whereas those accessing the site via Xbox aim their sights, and single hands, somewhat younger: "teen" is second. "Lesbian" ranks first amongst Xboxers, and third on PlayStation's most-popular searches.

In both the UK and US, it's the Xbox that represents the most common console that people are accessing YouPorn with—in a large part of the East, however, including China, it's Nintendo's Wii family that's the dominant console, which perhaps goes some way to explaining its most popular search terms: "hentai" tops the pile, with "Japanese," "anime," and "cartoon" also featuring in the top ten.

Other interesting stats for your Monday include the fact that "creampie gangbang" is searched for way more on Xbox than any other console; a whopping 91.5 percent of all console YouPorn traffic comes from dudes (though how that's actually worked out is unclear, as womanly wankers might well be using their male partner's log-ins—ha ha, log-ins, like they've a log in somewhere oh never mind); and while Wii users spend the least time gawping at bonking through their system of choice, they access the most videos while they're there. Presumably clips of dinner plate-eyed anime gals getting their lady bits ploughed by gigantic demon penises and squid tentacles tend to run shorter than your more traditional humping vids? And yes, some things observed in the name of research can never, ever be unseen.

If you want to soak up the full statistical breakdown of what your console really says about your masturbatory manners, click here for YouPorn's wonderfully bar- and pie-charted blog entry on the matter. In related news: did you know that YouPorn's got its own eSports team? It does. Which is more than can be said for the Sunday Sport, I suppose.

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