We Should All Embrace Drake’s Pettiness

Last night the Toronto Raptors took home the biggest win in franchise history and it was wonderful.

In the, I assume, run down barn that all Milwaukee teams (professional or otherwise) play in, the Raptors were able to take game five of the eastern conference finals against the Bucks by a score of 105 to 99. During the game, back home in a real city, Drake was holding court in Jurassic Park (the outdoor space for fans who prefer to stand outside of a real arena) watching the victory with thousands of other fans.

During this playoff run, Drake, who is technically the Raptors global ambassador, has been up in everyone’s grill in a way no fan really should be. But last night he showed us it’s not his fandom, wealth or music, that we should be aspiring to, though. It’s his down and dirty pettiness.

This was something we got to see in full form as Drake and Mallory Edens, the 21-year-old daughter of Milwaukee Bucks owner Wes Edens, and got into a nice little throwdown.

Edens was spotted courtside at the Bucks game sporting a Pusha T shirt, a throwback to the glorious beef between the two rappers that climaxed with Pusha T trashing Drake for hiding a child. The Bucks arena also played some Pusha T as warm-up music before the game as well. It did not affect the game.

As we all know by now, the Raptors, down for the majority of the game, took control in the fourth quarter and took home the W. But that win—thanks to Kawhi Leonard’s superhuman ability to take control of games whenever he pleases—wasn’t enough for Drake. No, while partying it up in Toronto, Drake just knew he had to get some revenge on that rich Milwaukee woman.

So he went to the place where petty grudges can play out for the whole world to see—Instagram. In a petty parry to the Pusha T pic, Drake changed his Instagram profile picture to a picture of Edens and added a photo of her to an Insta story with the caption, “all is fair in war and war and trust me I’ll still get you tickets to OVO fest.”

This is much more than just some trash talk between a famous rapper and the daughter of a rich man. In fact, what Drake is giving us is a manifesto for an entire nation. I believe we should all follow Drake’s lead.

Canadians have forever been looked down on, laughed at, called “America’s boring hat,” and what have you. We’re pretty much just known as the country that’s near the States and we sadly and quietly put up with it. Some of us will throw up a struggle or two being like, “well, Drake’s Canadian” or “Celine Dion is one of the biggest selling solo artists of all time, Mack, why don’t you understand this” or “Bon Cop, Bad Cop was actually good”—but whom are you trying to convince, the world or yourself?

NO MORE!

We shall stand up and fight. The Raptors just got the biggest win for a Canadian team in a sport Americans actually care about (apologies to the NHL and the Toronto Blue Jays). This isn’t an opportunity that comes around all the time and we need to embrace it in a truly Canadian way, by being petty and passive aggressive.

So Canadians, I urge you, I IMPLORE YOU, use this time to text your one American friend, “hey, did you see that game last night” or like switch your social media account to a picture of Kawhi powerbombing a deer or comment “LOL” on a YouTube video of a drowning eagle. You should engage in this pettiness even if you don’t care about basketball, because it’s too good of an opportunity to miss. I don’t care what it is, just do something. Be petty, be ruthless because who knows when we’ll be able to again. This might be as good as it gets. It doesn’t even need to be clever, just like this article. Look, I’ll start us off.

Milwaukee Bucks? More like Milsuckee Cucks.

Now didn’t that feel almost as good as this?

Follow Mack Lamoureux on Twitter.