Horoscopes: You Did the Crime, Now Do the Time!

Disclaimer: The expert opinions expressed here are courtesy the writer. How much of it you should trust—that's up to you to decide (aka notalot).

We know what you did this year. Your sun sign is no stranger to crime. Bringing all you smooth criminals horoscopes for the festive season.

You’re known to be the best sign of all, with no flaws, amazing intelligence, wit, humour and other extremely flattering adjectives. You do you, Sagi! (Redacted: The writer of this piece may or may not be a Sagittarian. Vanity is not a crime).

We know how much you like to win, Capricorn, but maybe try to not take it too far this season? A friendly game of Monopoly doesn't have to turn into a blood bath. Also, we see you stealing from the bank.

Aquarians are usually pretty straight-laced, but there is one crime you've been committing pretty consistently this year—squandering your talents via procrastination.

For the love of sweet Mercury, your retrograde has passed and it's time to start taking risks, Pisces! Your crime? Being the sober one at all the parties. Bartender, shots!

It's been a tough year for you Aries, but the tide is about to turn. You've been stingy with the money lately; don't commit the crime of being a miser, especially through the party season.

Cheating on your keto plan may be a crime (but only in Bandra) so go ahead and have another bite of that jalebi! There's always next year when it comes to diets.

You've been at your wits’ end lately, Gemini. Losing your patience once in a while is not a crime, but don't make a habit of it.

The weather’s gone colder, but that doesn't mean you have to do the same with your heart… You've been too guarded this year, Cancer. It's not a crime to have your heart stolen, so loosen those heartstrings a bit.

Your short temper's been getting you into trouble lately, and you know you'll go to jail if you shoot someone for walking slowly in front of you, right? If you really need an outlet just watch more videos of the Ambani wedding and cry into your (peasant-shaped) pillow at night.

We all love a little bit of gossip, it's true, but it's time to give a little rest to your inner Narad Muni, Virgo. If you really feel a tingling in those gossip muscles, turn on the latest season of Koffee with Karan to get your share of petty-disguised-as-privilege.

You're a smooth criminal Libra, and you never have a problem with the opposite sex—so much so that you might have done your fair share of damage along the way. It's time to stop breaking hearts and indulge in some lemon tarts instead (shoutout to cold/mess).

The free spirits with one foot in other (possibly shroom-induced) worlds. While zoning out may be of extreme importance to you, maybe don't do it during office meetings? (Talk about corporate crimes). Wait, you're reading this while you're in a meeting right now, aren't you?