Since America's founding, the nation's racism has made interracial relationships incredibly hard—even life-threatening. It was only 50 years ago that interracial marriage between black and whites was even made legal, which happened in my parent's lifetime! And there are still maniacs running around today who will kill you for dating outside your race.I'm a firm believer that love doesn't know color, religion, or creed, and I give a side eye to charlatans like Dr. Umar Jackson who insist you should never marry a person of another race. But just because I believe in the beauty and benefits of races coming together in love, doesn't mean the shit is easy. It's still an uphill battle.
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While dating men of different races, I've found myself in some frustrating, awkward, unfortunate, and uncomfortable situations. From being pet like a dog ("black people's hair feels so cool and different!"), to dealing with basic questions of physiology ("Are your insides pink or brown?"), I've been on some ridiculous dates. And I'm not alone. My brown lady friends and I run into these kinds of things more than we should, and certainly, more than we'd like. Sometimes it has to do with the person we're seeing, or it's ruined by any number of outside forces like family, friends, and society.Here are some cringe-worthy stories from black women who have dated men outside their race. It's a sad reminder that even though celebrities like Robert Pattinson and FKA Twigs might make it look easy, this shit is still hard as hell.I once dated a guy who was half Dominican and half Puerto Rican. Things were going well, so he suggested I meet both his parents. His mother was pleasant and welcoming. She was interested in my family and the fact that they weren't originally from the US. She wanted to know things about Guyanese marriage and wedding traditions, dating customs, and mused about what it would be like to have mixed children. When his Dominican father came home, he didn't say much. He asked what I wanted to do when I got older but barely said two words during dinner. The room became very tense, and I noticed my boyfriend get a little uneasy. His father broke the silence: "I know you think you're dating my son, but this is going to stop now… my son does not, and simply cannot, date a 'Negra.'" My boyfriend was in complete shock; he didn't say a word. His mother began cursing at his father and began to frantically apologize to me. I didn't know what to do. So I grabbed my bag, thanked her for the meal, told my boyfriend we were done, and walked out. On the walk home, I called my brother and cried. - Nandee, 23This white guy and I were really close friends. Although he and I were strictly platonic, I would always get these crazy looks and comments from white women whenever we were together. It's funny because you usually hear about this in reverse. But I would get asked how he and I met by women making over-the-top faces like they were nauseous. Then I'd see the look of relief on their faces once I told them we were just friends. I was even told by a white woman that she heard he wasn't good in bed, just to deter me from sleeping with him. Another woman said how gorgeous she thought he was, and worried openly about the prospect of him having my kids, who she feared would look like me. It was as if they felt entitled to cross the line and intimidate me out of a potential relationship. I think it just really disturbed some of these women who felt he could do better. - Dawn, 45
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