Minor League Baseball teams have made a kind of deathmatch out of one-upping each other with ridiculous antics in the space between innings. It's almost as if to help you forget why you came to the field in the first place.
(I once covered the Syracuse Skyhawks' "Free Funeral Night," where you could win your ass a funeral—in case boredom caught you real good that night.)
Well, things weren't so morose at a recent Memphis Redbirds game, but they got a little sadistic, as the team hosted an Icee chugging contest, that ended, predictably, in what must have been a lightning storm headache for the ages. Poor kids...
Look at Johnjo over here (completely made up name). While Sally-Lou (also made up) seems to be tortoising, the hare himself is slamming down that Icee with authority:
Just behold that technique. It's like this kid had been practicing for this moment for his whole life: the undulation, the arm behind his back to get out of his way, the backwards cap to... look cool while doing it. Everything went according to plan. That is, except for the excruciating pain that came his way immediately afterward. You, sir, are a hero. Sacrifice your body for the game. High intensity tactics.