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Explaining British TV to Americans

So there's a show sponsored by the London Tourism Board, a chef who swears and takes his shirt off, a bunch of people who can't talk about their feelings, and a serial choir-starter?

Former Director-General of the BBC, John Reith

I'm English, and my American friend John and I like nothing more than to enlighten each other on our respective country’s ways. He explained American Football to me, I explained real Football to him. What’s normal to him, seems amazing to me and vice versa; we're basically those really funny and profound people you hear in pubs over here loudly bonding over the different meanings of the word "pants."

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The other day I got an email from John asking me what was up with British TV. I was pleasantly surprised to hear he knew us Brits had TV at all, and happy to school him a little.

THE REQUEST Dear Oscar, The new season of Sherlock is now running on PBS. To honor the occasion, how about another round of Ask-the-Britisher? This time, a TV edition. 1. Sherlock Yankee John says: Did the English Tourism Board create this show? London all flashy and modern and dangerous. Even the rain looks exciting. Benedict Cumberbatch is not a real name, correct? Both the wife and I thought this show was terrific. Please tell me it is preferred to Guy Ritchie's kung-fu version. Are there other Sherlock adaptations from other times that we need to know about? Do you sit in pubs and argue about the merits of different Sherlocks and Watsons? Limey Oscar says: The British Tourist Board are more into having Tony Blair awkwardly welcome people at the end of 45 seconds of stereotyping. Sherlock is far more realistic. I, like most Londoners, spend almost all of my time engaged in high-level intellectual repartee with sex murderers on the roofs of warehouses and offices. Cumberbatch’s name is not real because his original name, Benedict King Henry Cumberbatch, is even more outlandish. The TV show is as popular as the film, which has provided Guy Ritchie with an unlikely return to the big time. No one seems to think he’s a mockney prick any more and they've forgotten he used to have to touch Madonna.

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(PS, There was an overlooked version of the stories in which Rupert Everett played Holmes with the kind of drug-injecting, sexually ambiguous loucheness that the part requires and which also plays into one enduringly popular American stereotype of the English: That of the gentleman pervert.)

2. Downton Abbey

Yankee John says: Is it so hard to just say how you feel? Also, how about finding somewhere private to talk? Anyway, this series was surprisingly popular here, inspiring solid Saturday Night Live and Onion parodies. For us, it's like going to the aquarium to see a colorful, foreign world. But what's in it for you? Is there a nostalgia or longing among English folk for this time? Do young punks like this stuff? Limey Oscar says: “Is it so hard to just say how you feel?” Do you know where Hugh Grant is from? Not being able to say what you feel is at the heart of an embarrassingly large amount of English art. We’re Northern Europeans. Our hearts are frozen, unlike those hot-blooded Mediterranean folk whose beaches and food we love.

The characters in Downton Abbey openly say that they can’t express themselves because the show’s writer, Julian Fellowes, doesn’t seem to believe in subtext. They always seem to be saying, “I find it hard to express myself because I am an Englishman, born in the 19th Century and as such I struggle to articulate emotion.” Or, “It is unusual for me to say this, because I am an Englishman and it is 1916, but I love you. There, I said it. Now, strike me, God damn you!” I don’t know if there’s a nostalgia for this kind of thing, it just sort of acts as a televisual heroin for the masses, myself included. It is also, BTW, totally predictable that Americans are loving this. English people being posh and living in a massive square house… Fuck yeah! 3. The Choir

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Yankee John says: I trust that choirs have now swept across England in a locust-like plague, and you are in fact singing right now as you read this. If not, you have no heart and must not believe in connecting with your community. There is passion inside of you, Oscar, let it out. I would like to know what became of Gareth. Did he finally turn around that shabby town with the power of song?

Limey Oscar says: I haven’t watched The Choir but my mom loves Gareth. My dad pretends not to be enraged by this. It seems like it’s also about not being able to express yourself, but instead of fictional characters braying about not expressing themselves you have real ones singing their way to self-expression. It’s a form of national music therapy. Every Brit has a heart now. A heart full of choral re-workings of Coldplay songs. Except for me. I have a heart made of ice and atonal metal songs about murdering someone in a mineshaft (because they tried to get you to talk about your feelings). 4. Gordon Ramsay's Every Move

Yankee John says: There seems to be an endless parade of shows on TV that involve Gordon Ramsay in a bizarre situation contrived so that he can yell at people about food. A disturbing number of them include him changing clothes on camera. Are there little ol' British ladies tuning in weekly for Gordon's glistening pectorals? Do people in England despise Mr. Ramsay, or is he an accepted part of the culture by now?

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Limey Oscar says: Ramsay is just one of many TV chefs. Albeit the loudest one. He likes to tell everyone he played football for Rangers but that boast has been widely discredited. Maybe he makes up for this with all that manly bod footage. The Fuck Yeah! Gordon Ramsay site isn’t exactly the busiest in the game, but then little ol’ ladies aren’t big Tumblr users. FYI: he didn’t invent the “swearing British cook” thing. Marco Pierre White did. Or claims he did. They swear at each other about it from time to time. 5. Doctor Who

Yankee John says: WTF? There was a severed hand chasing around some people and it looked like betamax.

Limey Oscar says: Dr. Who is a totally British phenomenon. A pretty poorly written show with terrible special effects that is wildly popular. In the 1970s, people thought it was genuinely frightening. Now, I guess there’s some kind of nostalgic/ironic value in it still being crappy and not frightening. Lots of journalists seem to think it’s a good show. There must be some kind of conspiracy going on, because it's fucking dreadful. 6. The Hour

Yankee John says: This one should have begun with an opening Star Wars-style crawl to let American audiences get up to speed on the Suez Crisis. (History and geography are not our strong suits.) Despite the roughly six hours of pervasive confusion, this is pretty good stuff. Is this a period in British history that doesn't really get talked about? Like, say, our [Japanese internment camps](http://en.wikipedia.org wiki/JapaneseAmericaninternment)? What other bits of British history get swept under the rug?

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Limey Oscar says: I quite liked The Hour, partly because Ben Whishaw is always great. It was unfairly billed as being like Mad Men because it was roughly the same era and there were some good costumes. History getting swept under the rug? Er, the British Empire. At one end of the political scale, the Empire is seen as an aberration that must be a constant source of self-hatred for the British. At the other end, it is merely proof that we are God’s people and that the world was grateful to be taught how to live by chaps from Eton.

7. The rest

Yankee John says: The following shows are currently available for streaming on either Hulu or Netflix: Peep Show, Coupling, Skins, Luther, That Mitchell and Webb Look, Upstairs Downstairs, The IT Crowd, The Only Way is Essex and Misfits. Are any of these worth a damn?

I trust you own a TV. I know you Brits like “reading books” and so forth. I also trust that you are well. -John

Limey Oscar says: Peep Show: Good. Coupling: Mate, please. Skins: The kids love it. Luther: Sexy. That Mitchell and Webb Look: Don’t let actors write shows, this is what happens. The IT Crowd: It’s not Garth Marenghi but sure, go nuts. The Only Way is Essex: You wouldn’t know what the fuck is going on. Misfits: My only experience of this is meeting a guy who helped direct the show who told me that directing it had “really advanced my career, like five years on in one year.” So, no. We do the best satire though. Watch everything Chris Morris has ever made—particularly The Day Today. Here’s Morris and Patrick Marber (who went on to conquer Hollywood. Go British TV!) in action. Also, Armando Ianucci, but I imagine you know about him because all Americans think he’s this, like, great little discovery they’ve made.

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Shame you guys can't display a similar aptitude for discovering stuff when attempting to navigate your way to "Piccadilly Circle." Rule Britannia, Britannia rules the waves!
Britons never, ever, ever shall be slaves!

-Oscar

@oscarrickettnow

@jasperjohnny

Previous cultural exchanges:

Explaining Football to the Americans

Explaining American Football the British