"You've never swallowed?"
Three pairs of the most incredulous eyes I've ever seen bored into me. They bored into my soul. In almost 27 years on this planet, I had not once ingested the semen of a man. I'm an oversharer and the type of person who has sexual proclivities that most people would consider perverted. And yet, I'd never thrown one down the hatch.
"I dunno," I said looking into my beer. "It's like oysters or something. The texture just freaks me out, how thick and eggy it is. I'm just a spitter."
My dinner companions burst into raucous laughter. What was so funny?
"That's fine," Noah said, wiping tears from his eyes, "but what I'm about to show you will change your life."
He poured water into a glass.
"This," he said, lifting the glass to his lips, "is what you look like when you're looking for some place to spit."
He sipped the water, tilted his head back at a 45-degree angle, and jutted his bottom jaw out while simultaneously screwing up his forehead in feigned disgust. It did not look good.
He swallowed the water, looked at me sternly, and said, "Now picture that on a naked girl who's running for the bathroom."
Everyone was silent for a moment before Ainslie shrieked, "That, my friends, is why I've never spit!" and we all broke into paroxysms of wild laughter.
I've never loved the idea of swallowing semen. And I would be lying if I said part of me wasn't being a bit of a contrarian brat about it. If a guy simply expects to have his semen swallowed, then I'm simply not going to fulfill that expectation. Moreover, I don't think swallowing should be a precondition of sucking cock.
That's not to say I have anything against cum. I think it's just fine. On my belly, on my butt, in my vag, cum is nudity's best accessory. Nor do I have anything against swallowing. It's fine. If you want to swallow or enjoy swallowing then I wish you many glasses of jizz to sip upon until the end of your days.
But after Noah's humiliating imitation of Spitter Girl, I quietly resolved to swallow next time I gave a blowjob. I needed to up my fellatio game, right? And if I could overcome my fear of heights by parachuting off a mountain in Switzerland, what was a tiny little gulp of jizz by comparison?
Mere days later, I found myself wedged between my boyfriend's legs doing some fairly dexterous suck-and-rotate. All I could think about was the swallow. I knew it was coming. I could tell from the way he was clenching his butt cheeks that he was close, and my mind was racing. Would my gag reflex kick in when the thick paste hit the back of my throat? Should I kiss him afterwards? Was this good for my skin or something?
"Fuck!" he yelled. Warm liquid oozed into my mouth. It was the first time I'd let him cum while my lips were still wrapped around his dick. Go time.
I rose up to my knees and flicked my head back. In one fluid motion I gulped his outcome as though it was a tequila shot. And... it was fine. It tasted like... nothing. I felt... normal. Maybe... was my skin better?
I fell onto the bed next to him in fits of giggles, picturing Noah doing his spitting demonstration back at the restaurant.
"What?" He looked at me concerned, "Why is it funny? What did I do? Is something wrong?"
It probably wasn't the best time to laugh. I rolled towards him and kissed him, still half smiling.
"Oh no, it's not you." I kissed him again to make it clear, "funny story, actually."
I haven't swallowed again. I'm not sure it's quite fair for me to ingest the stuff until the guy it's coming out of has a taste too. Or if like, if I'm in love or something. When either happens, I will happily and forever ingest his dick juice.