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Meet Our Hot Dog

An interview with Kurt Braunohler, our advice columnist who turned crotch climatology into almost a real job.

The first time I officially met comedian Kurt Braunohler was at a slumber party where he French braided my hair while drinking a wine cooler, then pointed a temperature sensor gun thingy at my crotch to see how hot it was. To be fair, he also measured the privates temps of at least six other adults, male and female, so he wasn’t being weird or anything. His investigative groin science clearly prepared and qualified him to write the Hot Dog and the Lady Bun column with Albertina Rizzo for VICE. He’s the hot dog, she’s the buns; together, they offer sound and confident advice for navigating all those wonderful confusions of romance. (For instance, when on a family vacation with your sweetheart, why not bring along a fun game like a croquet set or a revolver with just one bullet?)

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Kurt’s crotch climatology also made a cameo on the first episode Bunk, the hilarious new game show he hosts on IFC, where absolutely nothing is at stake, no one gets any prizes, and everyone looks like a fool. He’s taking a break from hot doggin’ to focus on that for a bit, but before he heads off to his limo and ladies we asked him a few things about his life.

VICE: First and foremost, what happened to you in life that made you so weird?
Kurt Braunohler: Probably all the molestation. (HAHA JUST KIDDING!) Um, I don’t know. The main problem I have is not realizing that what I like is not universal. I mean I hope it is and the comedy I’m doing is relatable, but I think sometimes it’s not. That’s how you become a better comedian though: learning how to take the weird things you like and talk about them in a way that makes other people like them. Really, Liz, what makes the WORLD SO WEIRD? Let’s turn this fucking interview around and ask the asker some questions huh? What makes you so not weird, Liz?! Huh?!

Don't pressure me! I watched an interview clip with you where you said you used to write for game shows. How did that job come about?
Kind of accidentally. I guess if you just bum around the NYC comedy scene long enough you too can have a wealth of low-paying writing jobs for shows that will never exist!

And for those out there who could use a little inspiration, how did you turn that job into actually hosting a game show?
Ethan T. Berlin and Eric Bryant created Bunk. Ethan told me that the inspiration came to him when he and I were both writing for another game show and he was constantly annoyed by how all our funniest ideas wouldn’t make it into the actual game. The simple idea was, “What if we made a game show that was just about being funny, not about winning.” And thus Bunk was born. Eric and Ethan invited me to be the host and help develop it, and they self-produced our first pilot a few years ago, which we submitted to the New York TV Festival. IFC picked it up from development from there. We shot another pilot with them and then they bought ten episodes.

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I love Bunk. I want more. Why's it so hilarious to watch adults do stupid shit?
Because approaching stupid things seriously is really funny. Also, we’ve got some of the best comedians in the country on the show: Tom Lennon, Ben Garrant, Eugene Mirman, Kumail Nanjiani, Dana Gould, and so many, many more. I’m very proud of this show.

What's something that would surprise us about being a game show host?
It’s not all ladies and limos. There’s a fair amount of massages that go into it, as well. Just when I think it’s time to relax and get into my limo with some ladies, my masseuse runs out and yells, “Monsieur Dildeaux!" (That’s what I have my masseuse call me.) "You cannot leave yet! You must first have your 90 minute massage!” And then I have to say “Limo, ladies. Wait here.” And go get massaged. It’s what I call a “superdrag” (not the band).

Sounds rough. Let's turn to Hot Dog and the Lady Bun for a sec. How did you become an expert on romance?
By unsuccessfully dating for one full year!

Nice work! Before you take your break, can you tell us one major thing to keep in mind for a successful relationship?
Remember, ladies are monsters and men are stupid. (That’s my Mars/Venus book title.) So, keep a lot of raw meat around and at least one Speak & Spell and everyone should be fine.

@lizzyarmstrong
@kurtbraunohler