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[Editor's Note: Meet our friend @Seinfeld2000. He uses Twitter as a platform to imagine a surreal hellscape in which Seinfeld is still on in the modern era. @Seinfeld2000 started out as a parody of the relatively straightforward Twitter account @SeinfeldToday, but through S2K's unique style, consisting of broken English, an irrational hatred of Barack Obama, and a rich internal world in which the Seinfeld characters are murderous sex addicts who measure time with pieces of technology, Seinfeld2000 has in many ways transcended its trollish roots. He's made a video game, written an e-book, and been profiled by the New York Times. He was kind enough to write about the exciting news that Seinfeld is coming to Hulu, which besides that one Super Bowl commercial and that Curb Your Enthusiasm thing, is the closest Seinfeld has gotten to being on TV today.]
k so you know that hella trippy Richard linkleter movie Waking Life? I only mentien it here becase i spend most of my waking life imagening via twetes what seinfeld (hit 90s TV sitcom which revelutionize comedy) would be like if it still on the TV today with brand new modarn epsodes every week
Like, just for example off the top of my head? k, what if Krame bet his entire life saving on Manny Pacquito to win the big boxing fight aganst Floyd Maywathar this wekend and then he lose it all via Japanese mafia and he get evicted from his apertment but hes to embarass to tell Jery so he just start sleeping in the hallway outside of Jery apartment and jery is all "why r u sleeping on the gross halway floor theres probably so many bacteria and bedbugs not to mentien random semen stain's in the fabric" (Jerys eyes are shifting left to right suspicieusly during when hes saying this last part, about the semen stains) and Kran just break down full crying, he just go "Jery... my cripling gambling adiction has finaly catch up with me. I lost all my money, Jery. i have no food for nutritien, no internet acess, no place to sleep, i have truly hit bottom—" but Jery simply just interupt with his clasic catch phrase "GOOD LUCK WITH ALL THAT" and simply just SLAM the door in kram face lmao
I know what ur thinking, k thats kind of dark story line for seinfeld. K well ive got a news flash for u: its my imagenatien and i can do what i want with it. See, thats the beauty of imagenatien—theres no wrong answar. Its urs to conceive whatever u wish. Thats how the Wright brothers invented airplane. Am i comparing myself to the founding fathers of modern aviatien? Ya, i guess i am. So before u judge me, just take a moment and close your eyes to imagen your own modern epsode of seinfeld. Take as much time as u need, the remainder of this article will await u when u open ur eyes.
k now say aloud what u imagined. If theres ppl around, just whisper it. Dont wory, i guarantee it wont be creepy if someone walk by and see u whispering modern seinfeld concept's at ur computer monitor or ur iPhone 6 Plus
OK, that wasnt very good was it. But thats OK, its like, no judgement bro, ur in a safe space. This isnt ur algabra class from high school. Im not Mr. Zorosko, im not gona fail u and write on ur report that "ur son seems to not even understand the basic concept of numbers and for one of his answars he just drew a crude erotic drawing of a nude women and under it it said 'It my fantasy woman Elane,' this is full unaceptable"
Let me be clear. The reasen im writing this article is becase last week, Jery Seinfeld made a landmark deal with Hulu. Can u imagen if Seinfeld was still on TV today, the all layer's of "meta" that they would engage in if seinfeld was to do a modern epsode of Seinfeld where Jery does a deal for his show-within-a-show "Jery" to sell the streaming rights? Gerge would probably fuck everything up agane, hed be like "I WANT THE STREAMING DEAL THAT TED DANSAN GETS!" And Jery would be like "Ted Dansan, what are u even talking about, Ted Dansan died in 2004" (Let me explane, so in the version of Seinfeld thats in my mind? If the show still on TV today, its a long story but Ted Danson would be decease even though hes alive and well in real life.)
Anyway so time for a buzzfeed quiz. Simply guess how much money Hulu paid for Seinfeld to be on Hulu today?
□ One dolar
□ One bilion dolars
□ Costco econo-pack of junior mint
□ $160 milion dollars
k the answar is D. $ 160 milion dolars! If u add that to all the monies that Jery made from the shows original run, plus syndicatien, DVD sales, and Bee Movie, Jery Seinfeld is literaly planking on a billion dolars rn (refarance to modarn Jay Z song "Gotta Have it")
So i read this artical in a website called International Busines Times and it said that this deal with seinfeld is big for Hulu and the reasen why they were wiling to SHELL OUT so much guwop for seinfeld is becase the show will represent the cornerstone of their steaming service as traditienel TV become more and more obsalete. Thats rite, like at a certain point we wont be able to even imagen what seinfeld would be like if it still on TV today because—are u sitting down—TV wont even exist.
The article say that all the big networks and services start off like that. When Netflix started, it was just shitty old movies and TV serieses. When AMC started, it should have been called "Gramma and Granpas Boring Clasic Sunday Popcorn Movie Chanel" because that was there bread and butter until they stepped it up with originel scripted programing like "Beter Get Saul On The Phone" and "Game Of Thrones," not to mentien "Orange Not Orange Anymore, It Black Now." So they need a show like seinfeld to draw ppl in while they develop the TV shows of tomorow k
Maybe the uncertainty of a modarn new fronteir of how we consume media has jery feeling a bit shook, and thats why hes been shooting off his mouth lately saying stuff like " Youtube is a garbage can" even tho he features the same garbage people from YouTube on his instant clasic TV show "Comedian In Cars Geting Cofee" smdh
Anyway, this major deal with seinfeld and hulu is all part of a major content arm's race between the major streaming sites.
Just as an analagy, remember the epsode of seinfeld where elane keep geting into catfight and then finaly she get into a BOSS-level cat fight with Raquel Welch (actress who is no longer modarn) and Raqual Welch just go BEAST MODE on her lmao. So just as an analagy, imagen that Elane is Hulu and Raquele is Neflix and then u will understand the sort of FIERCE competitien that we are about to witness play out as the way we consume media become even more more modarn today
Just something to think about as u go about ur day
K i realy have to go now, see u
Follow Seinfeld2000 on Twitter.