It's time, once again, to marvel at some idiots who don't know how to handle the world:
Cry-Baby #1: The Gregory family
Screencap via ABC
The incident: A cat freaked out.
The appropriate response: Putting on some long sleeves and oven mitts and moving the cat to another room. Maybe calling animal control if it's really bad. IDK—I've never owned a cat.
The actual response: The owners of the cat called 9-1-1.
Earlier this week, police in DeLand, Florida, released audio from a 9-1-1 call they'd received about an angry cat.
In the recording, the son of a woman named Teresa Gregory tells the operator that his mom's cat "has gone crazy and has attacked her multiple times."
He also said that the cat, which is named Kush, had attacked his stepfather "multiple times."
Teresa also made a call to 9-1-1. She told the operator that she thought the cat might be freaking out because she'd accidentally stepped on it earlier in the day.
"We just need her out of our house. We don't know what to do," she told the operator. "She's in the living room, and I can't get out. She's got us trapped in the bedroom."
According to the Orlando Sentinel, officers were dispatched to the couple's home around 7:15pm.
While speaking to the 911 operator, Teresa expressed some concern that the responding officers might also be attacked by the cat. "They might have to shoot her; I don't know," she said.
The officers didn't shoot the cat (which, for this column, is a surprise). They decided instead to call in animal control, who took the cat and put it in quarantine, where it will be kept for at least 10 days. It's unclear what will happen to the animal at the end of that period.
Neither Teresa, her son, her husband, nor the responding officers required hospital treatment.
Cry-Baby #2: Kanye West
Image via Wikimedia Commons
The incident: Kanye West became annoyed that photographers were taking photos of him wherever he goes.
The appropriate response: Stop making music, stop being on TV, divorce Kim Kardashian, move to a cabin in the woods, shut up.
The actual response: He compared his experience to being raped.
On Saturday, while performing at the Wireless Festival in London, occasional rapper and full-time troll Kanye West stopped singing to go on a 20-minute rant.
As is standard protocol for a Kanye West mid-set rant, it was reportedly rambling, made little sense, and involved Kanye switching between first and third person.
A lot of the rant, which was done in full view of tens of thousands of people, is said to have involved issues of privacy.
Kanye began by complaining about his arrest for assulting a paparazzo in 2013. Saying that his reaction was similar to that of "a porcupine or a blowfish when they're angry.”
Kanye, who makes millions and millions and millions of dollars a year by being a famous person, then went on to say, “I don’t care what you do in life—everybody needs a day off, everybody has the right to say, ‘You know what, I need a minute to breathe.’"
“I want to bring my family to the movies without 30 motherfuckers following me," Kanye went on. "Everybody here, they like sex, right? Sex is great when you and your partner are like, ‘Hey, this is what we both want to do.' But if one of those people don't want to do that, what is that called? That's called rape."
According to the Independent, the crowd responded to the rant with boos and chants of "We want Drake!" Other audience members reportedly walked out of the show.
Though I definitely agree that it must be super fucking annoying to be followed everywhere by paparazzi, it's not like Kanye is the parent of a murder victim or some other type of human who is followed around by photographers through no fault of his own. Kanye is a very highly compensated musician who is married to a reality TV star.
Which of these guys is the bigger cry-baby? Let us know in this poll down here:
Winner: The restaurant!!!
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