Food by VICE

The MUNCHIES 2014 Holiday Gift Guide: Andy Milonakis

Andy's equal loves of low-brow treats and luxury goods both play into his holiday picks, which range from Easy Cheese to fine wine.

by Andy Milonakis
Nov 1 2014, 2:00pm
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To spread MUNCHIES-style holiday cheer and play Santa for our valued readers, we've put together a gift guide that showcases some of our trusted hosts' favorite things. Behold: the five lowbrow and highbrow culinary delights that Andy Milonakis wants to see under his tree. Easy Cheese and fine wine—a match made in heaven.

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1. Easy Cheese

My sister and I call it "squirt cheese," and it's been a tradition ever since we were young. This stuff is vile. We would each get a can in our stockings with a box of Wheat Thins. At 8 AM before we opened any presents, we would make little cheese flowers on the backs of our hands and licking them off. Even though I'm the Fat Prince, I have mostly moved on from chemical-laden processed foods. But Christmas only comes once a year. ($8) Buy Now ›

2. Chateauneuf-du-Pape Wine

For every great cheese, there is a great wine. I was only drinking Bourdeaux for a couple of years until I dove into the Chateaus, and now it's tied for first as my favorite wine. My mom looks at me like "Who the hell does this little squirt-cheese-eating brat think he is? He moves to Hollywood and now he wants some fancy red wines?" But she loves me and makes sure Santa Claus picks out a good vintage for me. (M. Chapoutier Chateauneuf-du-Pape "La Bernardine" Rouge 2011, $59.99) Buy Now ›

3. Cooking Gadgets

I'd like to be specific, but just to keep it real, I'm being general because of how my gifts have shifted lately. Ever since I've been slowly creeping my chubby little sausage fingers into the food world, my random toy gifts (yes, my mom thinks I'm still 12) turned into all sorts of cool cooking gadgets, peelers, measuring spoons, etc. I love it! (Assorted prices) Buy Now ›

4. Lodge Cast-Iron Pans

I want to collect these like Beanie Babies. I want them all. What else do you need? ($12-$105) Buy Now ›

5. A New Chopping Block

This year, I actually need to replace my chopping block. I'm very messy with my knife skills, as you may have seen when I cooked that spinach pie. I just want an eight-square-foot chopping block made out of a whole tree. Christmas isn't about love and family. Christmas is about greed. GIVE ME THE BIGGEST CHOPPING BLOCK EVER CREATED OR I WILL CUT YOUR EARS OFF WITH MY OVERRATED GLOBAL KNIVES. (John Boos 18" x 18" Newton Prepmaster II, $199.95) Buy Now ›