We Got a Sommelier to Taste Test the UK's Cheapest Vodkas

Cheap vodka has a reputation for tasting like paint thinner, because a lot of the time that's exactly what it tastes like. Of course, this assessment of the King of Spirits might be unfair – we of simple palates may just be fundamentally unable to appreciate the subtle flavour notes hidden within that overriding taste of industrial nail varnish remover.

If so, what are we missing? When we're standing in an off licence, looking for something cheap and alcohol that we can instantly mask with Ting, which brand should we buy?

I, of unrefined palate, am unable to answer that question, so to help I got in touch with Andrea Rinaldi, President of the UK Sommelier Association. "Vodka might be colourless, but it is not tasteless. All vodkas are different," he told me, straight off the bat – which I took as a sign that he very much knows what he's on about.

"I see this is vodka from England. The aroma is nice. I feel the grains, I feel some fruits – citrus, refreshing notes. And the palette, it's quite full and rich, and I feel some spiciness, some soft pepper. The alcohol, I think, is very well balanced; it's got quite a punch. It's OK to mix, of course, or as a shot is fine. This one would suit more fizzy drinks, like a vodka tonic."

"This is a little bit more delicate, softer on the nose. It's a little bit more floral rather than fruity; it's quite soft. Yeah, more soft. There is some spice – it's more herbal, though: herbal notes, fresh herbs like sage, lemongrass on the palette."

"This one has more aroma – it's more rich, and the notes, I feel the grains, I feel something nutty, a nutty aroma, really, really delicate. And the palette, it is creamy – this one is creamy. Softer spiciness as well here, nice and nutty. It's quite elegant. It's sweet and full, but at the same time it's more rounded and richer."

"Now we have the Smirnoff. This one is more pure; I feel a more pure alcohol. It's quite a well known brand – probably the most popular. It is the lightest; it's quite light, quite soft, gentle, more gentle than the others. Probably this one would suit cocktails more as it has a purer taste and would suit fruits more. This would be good for a vodka-cranberry."

"The last one – this one is citrus, like the first, and it's made in England too. Hint of lime or lemon, the palette citrus as well. Like the first, it's good for mixing with tonic water or fizzy drinks."

Andrea's final verdict: "You can tell which the most expensive ones are as they are the most complex. My favourite is the Russian Standard. You have to consider that these [other vodkas] are made in the UK, and this is made in Russia, so [importers] would have to pay some tax – which is why the price sometimes doesn't match the quality. I like this one just for personal taste."

So there you have it: the most expensive one tastes the best. Remember that the next time you're standing by the cash register and decide to treat your tastebuds rather than destroy them.

@RuchoSharma

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